Part-Time Friends??

When I meet people, I don't decide or think I'll know them forever. some are just casual "passing thru" friends. They don't stay in touch and don't respond to offlines. It's the same in real life too. Think about the last timeyou chatted with someone in a grocery line or Dr's office. Just a nice chat and that may be the first and last time you meet. Yes, I'm getting to a point. I have people on my list that never contact me. Some answer if I message them but, most don't. No, I'm not hurt by this! It's called, "Life goes on." The one I wish hadn't disappeared on me, that's the one that hurts. But Hell, I lived this long without him, I'll survive!! Anyone that knows me or has read my blog knows of whom I speak. I'm not sure what's going on in his life, I haven't heard from hime in 3 weeks. Of Course, he may be pissed at me again, and this is my pushiment. LMAO Like I don't have enough of that in my life, Huh? Maybe that Certain Friend was right. Maybe I should find someone closer to my own age and mental level. her words were "You and Your Babies!" But, we've already addressed the preference thing. And I don't think of him as a "Baby," after all he is over 21. I used to joke about it and ask the men I met if they could legally vote...LOL But in all reality, most men don't really settle into life til closer to 40. Hmmmmm Maybe that's what's wrong with me, I'm not settled. I don't want things too comfortable, that's when boredom sets in. I Love to laugh and have a good time. But I don't like going out to do it. don't get me wrong I can handle crowds of people, some can't. I have an aunt that panics in crowds, like an axiety attack, she can't breath and has to find a way out quickly. Too much solitude in her later years maybe? Could be! But, the small get together of a few close friends is more personable and makes for good quality time.

I've never had much "me" time, even before my children. Strange how you don't realize you "need" it, until you DO!! LOL Even as I sit herewriting this for the blog, Chance is here with me. He's been playing and coloring. I wonder if it's still counted as "me" time? Probably not, then again I wouldn't even let my boys stay in Daycare while I did my homework in College. I wanted them home with me. I'mve dedicated my life to my children. See, They didn't ask to be born, that choice was on me. And for me, there was only one thing to worry about. What to name him times 3. I wanted a girl, but I've never been disappointed with my boys. I Love them each individually. I talk about them all the time in here and they're mentioned in my profiles. They've been on cam for my friends to see. And they enjoy getting to know my friends by sight as well as name. they got a kick out of Andy. He made them laugh aas much as they got him to laughing. I'll have to share the "erection" conversation with you later, it involved my 12 yr old. "Out of the Mouth of Babes!"
Take Care, God Bless and Talk to you All Soon!

I was in chat a bit a few nights ago. With limited time, I couldn't say "Hi" to everyone. But I may have really good news. We're awaiting some letters from Texas, and then the boys and I get an apartment!!! Child support should start up again soon, the ex changed jobs. I'll have to get beds for the boys. I'll have my puter Back!!! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! No internet at first, no phone line yet. "One-Day-at-a-Time is my way of thinking. Starting over isn't easy, but, it's Doable! I may miss those that don't speak or message, I do still wish them all well. I still Love you, even if you aren't talking to me. Maybe you'll read this and realize you are Missed!!


Tina

Well I have to Move come the 24th of Sept.....

I learned today I have to leave soon.. Thing is I still don't have anywhere to go. But I'm alive and still have the boys here with me! I'm still working on getting better. I hate being Sick.. :(( I'm also not giving up on getting a place and/or getting moved where I'm wanting to go. But I know that if I move there it has to be for different reasons than what most think. No it's not A Man...LMAO I can't depend on men to help me in my time of need. No offense intended to all my male friends. But the fact is I'm the only one I can depend on in my situation. Help comes in different ways. Be it Moral support or financial. Although the financial part is a flop!! They aren't collecting Child Support from my ex again so I'm stuck here with no income, I want to be able to work but I have to have a shot to work in this state. OMG, I'm not asking if there is anything else.. They'll find it here!!!! Well, I'll close this for now.. Hope to Chat soon!! Love to You!!

Take Care, God Bless and Talk to you All Soon!

Tina

I'm still Alive.. But I'm still Sick...:(

I'm still here.. Nothing new going on. I'm still Sick, though, and that sucks. I hope all is Well your Way. I'm thinking and Praying for you too. Let me know how you are doing! :) Later!!

Take Care, God Bless and Talk to you All Soon!

Tina

Just as you think Life is getting Better.. Someone throws a Wrench in the Works

Yes, A Wrench. Like I didn't already have enough on my plate. Oh well, Some have the timing of a 2 yr old in the middle of the night. LOL And, This too will Pass. I will still go where I want to be. That won't change. I have my son Very Excited about going to a Great College, working on his Aspirations are Very important to me. I've decided maybe I'm the one "out of Chances!!" Who Cares? Not me...... I make my chances now. I'm determined to be happy. And being with someone isn't what's going to make me happy. Doing something that I want to do will. If this sounds like a riddle... So Be it!! I didn't ask permission to be born I'll not ask permission to LIVE!!!! and If someone doesn't like it... TO HELL WITH THEM!!!!! I'm grown and will pay my own way.... I don't ask for handout's, Especially from MEN!! I'll not begin to beg for anything now. No I'm not pissed..... I have better things to do with my time than to be pissed off at anyone or thing at this point! Live and Let Live. But if you ever run into me, don't ask me what I'm doing in "Your" town, Because I'm liable to Tell you.... *Big Shit Eating Grin* And You might not like the smartassed answer you get!! See if they don't close the roads down for you.. they damn sure won't for me!!! Challenges are surely something to get the blood flowing.. in more ways then one! Have a Great Day.... Evening... Night... Whatever it may be for you now..

Take Care, God Bless and Talk to you All Soon!

Tina

Just As I Thought!!

As I thought and figured, My "Sisters" are being as supportive as always. God knows I Love ya'll as much as ya'll Love me. That feels good to be able to say and know it's true. I guess the part of not being able to talk to everyone, whenever, brings about my doubts about things. Not the par where we care abou each other. I'm not as insecure as I used to be, Trust Me On THIS!! LOL Reassurance is nice, encouraged even. That's something we all need, sometimes. Over the years, I know I've been a pest, not intentionally, but a pest just the same. I was told, more times than once in my childhood, that I could "Worry the Pure Piss out of the Pope!!" The things that come to mind as I sit here watching my boysplayng outside. the breeze was lovely, Not too warm or humid. Like a late Spring Day, before the heat really hits. So Nice and Beautiful that the cats, squirrels, and butterflies all seem to be dancing on the breeze itself. As I sat there light-headed from over-doing it again today. We all know how it is to be sick and finally starting to feel better and just tend to over-do it a little?? I know, Me Sissie, I hear you!! But there were things that needed to be done. No they couldn't wait. The boys have sooooo much energy that they really needed to be outside to release it. I'm trying to take it easy, Honest!! It just seems to hard when there is so much to do and so little time to get it done in. Any of us know that. Mom or not! LOL So Bite me, No, a little more to the left. Yeah!!! Right there... Ahhhhhhhh LMAO kk with that said and done, I'll add, I was going to take the boys to the park. That didn't happen. My brain is so fried taking all the steriods. Vision not focused isn't helping any. I did get the rest of their school supplies so now no more teachers gripping at me. Just to get the baby in headstart. Maybe I'll be able to find an apartment soon and a job. To begin my starting over all anew where I am so ready to be!! Funny, sometimes it's almost scary when it feels like you're waking up from a Long Winter's nap...... that began Years ago trying to hide the pain!!

Take Care, God Bless and Talk to you All Soon!

Tina

Hmmmmm, Here's a Thought!!!!

Hello Everyone! I want to tell you about someone I met here. Her name is Crissy. She's an Energetic, Caring woman, A Sweetheart if you will. She has so much strength that some must have rubbed off on me. I'm mad e a few important decissions. 1. I'm going back to school, (Tech I'm thinking) 2. I'm moving to where I want to be! I'll be staying here Probably the full school year, for the boys. Learn a trade and move ahead. Sounds like a Plan?? IT IS!!!! And guess what I'm not asking permission! LOL Nor am I basing what I'm doing on what someone else has to say or what they have planned. And I must add it feels good to not think about what someone else has to say. I'm going to look into a specific college, I've been told about. Now in all honesty, I was looking into this certain place more for my oldest son than myself. Many questions come to mind as I write/type this. Here's my answer to all of them: I CAN and WILL Succeed, no matter where I may be. It can't be any harder starting over there then it is here. I don't have anyone here to "be there' for me. I'm not sure to the reaction or response I may receive from this revelation. Not that I'm worried about it, because I'm not. Take me as I am or let me live in Peace!! Plus, I'm a Survivor, Good or Bad, I'm here. Knowing where my true force of Friends and Family lie in this, that's all that counts. And Will it be any worse to find out now where I stand, Or Later? For I am a believer in Dreams and Love!! Later isn't acceptable! A song comes to mind for me in this instance, I'll keep it to myself for the moment. Good Ol' Patsy, a song for every mood and occassion!! So Let's just see how well this bird flies, I'll worry about how far it gets me when I'm there.... LOL I love each of you that have been there for me morally and spiritually. I Pray each day that you too have a Great day. Shot me a message sometime. Love_is_Everywhere@yahoo.com I check my email as often as possible.



Take Care, God Bless and Talk to you All Soon!

Tina

My Internet Limit

This Periodic checking of e-mail isn't a bad thing. Not Able to chat with everyoneis what Bites! and Not in a Good Way either!! i miss talking to all my Sisters. But I Seriously miss chatting and flirting with Andy, the most. I also miss palying games with him. I waited till after school let out to come back online. I'm running out of time here and sitll not many on. just like around 11AM not many on at all. I shot off a few e-mails to let some know I'd be on about this time. Even told someone that if the message was taken as a "warning" then he wasn't missing me very much! LMAO We'll see what's said about that.

One thing I don't like here is all the talk of Therapy that "they think" I NEED??? I Love me the way I am. Oh, of course, "they" aren't comfortable with my level of use on the internet. The way I have more friends on the internet than in my personal "real" life?? Okay... I thought that we were all "real" even if we communicate by computers, I'm sure we all still bleed!! That to me makes us real, well that and some of us actually feel things too. Don't worry I'm not talking about the users that I've met either. You couldn't pay me to believe that they feel anything.. the sick Assholes!!! Anyways, the one good thing that I do have going for me is..... I could be on here Monday through Saturday, 2 hours a day, But I'm not. And no it's not because I've been sick.... *sticking my tongue out at those that are looking at the screen skeptically* I'll be the first to admit that, in the past, I've had my share of online addiction to deal with. Then again I did have my own rented house, working a full-time job, paying all my bills on time, with my Boys. yes this was before I began my own destruction in helping family out. I now realize what my Mother meant all those years ago. The fact that you can only depend on yourself to do what you say, takes years of learning. The if's, when's, should and shouldn't's, and the Biggest one is the WHO'S???????????????????? No wonder I have so many trust issues! Mom told me, "the only person I will ever be able to trust or depend on is Number 1, Me! Because no one else cares or ever will!!" Hmmm she doesn't know my friends too well now do she??? I'm proud to have the FRIENDS I have!!!!! But the moral of her story was and still is: You can't trust My Family even as far as you can throw them! (Sadly but Truly) As for the whoel bloodline thing I can see now it holds no creedence to any belief's that are usually a given to most. I applaud anyone that has a good Loving supporting family, and truly wish you well. I'm just glad they didn't put my picture in the dictionary by "Disfunction Family"

Take Care, God Bless and Talk to you All Soon!

Tina

The Meeting Pt 1

She slowly, quietly appoaches his back. He's calmly, politely giving directions to a nice looking woman. So may times she's seen his smile, heard his voice, and watchd his body language, electronicaly. Mowx shcould smell the soap he used, the scent of his shampoo, all mixed with his natural scent. There's a smile on her face that's been there since she first spotted him. Mervousness is trying to invade her senses, as she continues to remind herself of how much she loves him. But, its' not herself she doubts. The fleeting courageshe had is being replaced with too many questions of: will he....?? Does he....?? Pushing all of these aside, she finds her voice, "Excuse me, Sir, Do you have the time?" .......... To Be Continued........