In the Past Year We've Missed:

1. Eating Holiday Meals Together.
2. Sharing Christmas with the Boys.
3. Toasting to the New Year.
4. Trading Valentines Cards & Making up a sex life!
5. Countless Hugs & Kisses.
6. Taking the boys Swimming at the Lake.
7. Complaining of how "Hot" Texas Weather is.
8. Wishing each other a "Happy Birthday"!
9. All the family gathering together for the 4th of July.
10. We could have Enjoyed the baby's first "Full Day" of School Together.
11. Eating something we hadn't before.

Now as we come full circle, I miss you Daddy so very much. I know I Always will Love You. The Boys are so Angry from the loss of you. They thought the world of you even if you didn't know. For so long, they blamed themselves for not being there to help you. Even though they couldn't have changed anything. Bubba is still Angry , Confused, & Hurt. All the "If's" in the world can't bring you back.

Each of us have our own theories, with no way of knowing. (Unless you were there you can't know for sure.) Theories....that's ALL They'll Ever be. No one takes a stroke victim seriously, Go Figure!

Be Loving Toward One Another.

God Bless,

Tina ~AKA~ Love

Happy Thanksgiving?

I really do hope that everyone celebrating this time of year has a Happy Thanksgiving! I'll not be a party pooper. I'll be staying close to my "you don't see me" corner. I'll be lost in memories. All the while, you'll be making new ones. God Bless!

Be Loving Toward One Another.

God Bless,

Tina ~AKA~ Love

Reasons??

Those of you reading this, you have a list of blogs you read regularly? Unless you were just surfing and happened across this? (I doubt I'm found by search engines) I was just wondering what your reasons are for reading blogs. Please, I'll tell you mine. Most that read my blog live 1000+ miles away, that makes me even more curious. So, if you have a moment, please share? As for me? That's actually pretty easy, Mostly I read my friends. They can be quite entertaining, plus all the cute little add-ons I get from them. The other reasons? Curiousity and lack of excitement at the homefront. This is all the excitement my budget allows! BTW, how did you find my blog? Thank you in Advance.

Be Loving Toward One Another.

God Bless,

Tina ~AKA~ Love

When Love Isn't Enough....

I've always known that I fall too quickly, way too hard. But how can you love someone you've never met? It's not as hard as you think, only it's not them. Oh, part of it is....The rest is more of your idea of how you want them to be. As my friends know, I was almost married last year to a man I really didn't know. Even talking to each other most of the day for months, didn't relay simple things about him. When my cousin and I picked him up at the airport, things became more apparent. The original plan was to get to know each other better. Then before he come down, we decided just to get married while he was here. Now, all this time he hadn't told his parents. Yes I did find it strange! But I respected his wishes in not telling his family and friends our plans. After all, we were adults(legally) and he had a right to decide when to tell his own parents. After getting to Texas from Wisconsin, he then decided to let them in on the plan. Then it seemed like a mistake. Now? Thank God, is all I have to say. I wouldn't have been able to tell my Daddy (face-to-face) the things he needed to know. I come back from Oklahoma to spend the last 6 weeks of his life within walking distance. I've recently found a new song by hoobastank that seems to have fit my relationship with my Daddy, "The Reason." I think he's the reason I do Love so deep. Because no matter how much I felt alone, I did know he Loved me (in a Daddy way, pervs) LOL Even me at 39 he still was trying to protect me from the monsters, whoever it was that year. I wanted to find a man that had the good qualities without the down falls of the norm. I didn't (still don't today) want a man to raise, having to make all the decisions in essence. See the guy was 26 and has more mental problems than I do. Not that he's dumb, he's not! But, book learning only helps in some areas in life. When, as Daddy's Little Girl, he can do no wrong. Not that I thought he was perfect. But, the fact he was "my" personal protector for years and saved me, in my eyes anyway. A child's eyes are so kind, forgiving and loving. Who can look down at a glowing face so happy your home, full of excitement, without feeling the strings of your heart being tugged or at least strummed. Yet we all know that even spending 15 minutes with them is better than seeing their "Light" go out. That continues through-out life. Each relationship we experience either helps build your love or dash all hopes. Back to the story here. I spoke with his Dad, it all made sense. Not that my own self doubt wasn't screaming already, now someone with wise words as well. So our eloping was out of the question. In the whole time he was down in Texas, I wasn't exciting enough. Plus I still had classes, visits, meetings, and work as well. I failed his tests. Oh well, the tests that were sent his way (not by me), weren't flying. We parted(I thought) as friends, not in his eyes. When it came to him, my thoughts were nothing like his. Saying that I Love someone isn't the same anymore. So when I think of the man I "Love," I am more detailed as to what or why I say that. I Love his mind(he can use his brain and does), personality(his excitement about life is great), ambition(he has an agenda that's possible), and he has a wildly creative side. Does he know how I feel? No, and he never will. Why, you ask? Because I have nothing to offer to a relationship. Having that said, I'll close for now.

Be Loving Toward One Another.

God Bless,

Tina ~AKA~ Love

Sex and me, I wonder?

You have a sexual IQ of 146 When it comes to sex, you are a super genius. You have had a lot of experience, and sex interests you so you know a lot about it. You pride yourself on being a source of information and guidance to all of your friends. Take this quiz at QuizUniverse.com

Aquarius You are very random, changing moods everyday. You are very genuine, and you like to do a lot sexually. When you find something that you like, you like it a lot and want your lover to like it too. Ideally you like to find a partner who is as into sex as you are. You want a lover who is just as independent as you are and you like an equal amount of give and take in the sack. Sex matches: Aries, Gemini, Libra Take this quiz at QuizUniverse.com

Right this moment I Thank God for my Memories. You'll understand someday!


Be Loving Toward One Another.

God Bless,

Tina ~AKA~ Love

Memories..........

Light the shadows of my mind. Misty water-coloed memories of the way "things" were.....

Oh, come on. We've all changed a few words to a song here and there to fit our lives /or situations. Then again, when looking around our lives, what really fits? Last night I watched "Hee Haw" with mom. It brought back the youthful feelings and laughter of old. Then, (insert shocked facehere),

Blues, Despair, and Agony on me.
If it weren't for Bad Luck,
I'd have no Luck at all.
BLUES, DESPAIR, and AGONY on me!

Those are the Real Monsters in Life. One wonders, why do we let them into our lives? Or did they sneak in? Even better question, How the hell do we kick them out? No, I'm not stuck in a mental rut, somewhere below hell. And yet at times I find myself there. I have a lot of someones to talk to. Problem: How to put it all in words? Plus, my communication level seems to be getting lower and shorter. Why? Because my friends do have lives & problems of their own. Just because I can't work, doesn't mean everyone's available. Sweet Jesus please help me, my boredom level is at an all time high.

Red I know the feeling of need. I'm almost to the point of asking to borrow or rent a man, for I don't have one of my own. Problem: Damn, I don't know anyone that would share. Other Problem: My budget can't handle the rental. I Wonder, if I sit in the right spot, um...maybe take up a collection? (ROFLMAO) Okay so I'm not actually on the floor, t's damn hard to get up. Then again we could call 911 to help me up. I could check out if they have any umm...newbies to break in. LOL

On a more serious note, I went to see the Dr on the 9th. I'm at my highest weight EVER. Weight-loss at this point feels like a lost cause. Since my stroke, I've put on a whopping 100 lbs. It seems I was more active than anyone thought. Being unable to walk has been the worst. At the time of my stroke I was wearing 14/16, now I'm almost out of my 28's. can anyone say, "fuck me running"?

Be Loving Toward One Another.

God Bless,

Tina ~AKA~ Love

Top Ten Celebrity Shag List

I've been surfing a bit lately, and I found more Blogs. Go figure! Thereare a few things I thought would be cool for more of us to do, This list I found @ http://www.livejournal.com/community/celeb_shag_list/ Those of you who really know me, hold on to your chairs!! Don't fall Sissie,I know how old they are!!

10. Viggo Mortenson









9. Eric Bana











8. Keanu Reeves












7. Bill Pullman












6. Matthew McConaughey

5. John Cusack

4. Sean Connery

3. Heath Ledger

2. Orlando Bloom

1. Vin Diesel

Be Loving Toward One Another.

God Bless,

Tina ~AKA~ Love

Tag of the Threes

Three ways that I am stereotypically female

1. I am a Bitch
2. PMS is a monthly event
3. I am emotionally unstable

Three ways that I am stereotypically male

1. I'm not
2. I never have been
3. I never will be (in this life)

Three names I go by

1. Tina
2. Love
3. Mommy

Three parts of my heritage

1. Chitamancha (Native American)
2. Irish
3. Cherokee (more Native American)

Three physical things I like about myself

1. my eyes
2. hair color
3. my clear complection

Three physical things I don’t like about myself

1. my stomach
2. my feet
3. my smile

Three things that scare me

1. Dying in front of my children (or them finding me dead)
2. People jumping out of the dark (Duh!)
3. Being Alone the rest of my life

Three of my everyday essentials

1. Water
2. medications (too many to name)
3. Time to Myself

Three LIES

1. I'm Happy
2. I don't need someone
3. My boys are Angels

Three TRUTHS

1. I dye my hair
2. I'm lonely enough to disappear
3. I have nowhere to go

Three things I want in a relationship

1. Respect
2. Love
3. Faithfulness

Three physical things about men that appeal to me

1. Eyes
2. Smile
3. Laugh

Three of my favorite hobbies

1. Writing
2. Watching movies
3. Running over the cats with my walker

Three things I want to do really badly now

1. Walk again
2. To Love someone special and them Love me back (too much to ask?)
3. Meet someone Famous (yes I know who, do you?)

Three careers I’ve considered

1. Teaching
2. Truckdriving
3. Librarian

Three places I want to go on vacation

1. California
2. New York
3. Chicago

Three things I want to do before I die

1. Watch my children Graduate (all of them)
2. Meet my Soulmate
3. Hold my Grandchidren

Three celebrity crushes

1. Vin Diesel
2. Orlando Bloom
3. Keanu Reeves
   
   

Three suckers who got tagged

1. Peachy
2. Moonie
3. Reesie

Who has some time to kill and hasn't already done this?

Be Loving Toward One Another.

God Bless,

Tina ~AKA~ Love

Forever Comes Way Too Soon....

In Memory of Thomas Lee Sisk, Sr

Born: August 3, 1944

Died: November 25, 2004

My Daddy wasn't perfect. He worked for everything he had, helping others when he could. When his transition from this life came, He did Not owe anyone. My parents divorced when I was 6 years old. Believe it or not, their divorcing was a good thing. We (he and I) probably wouldn't have been as close. The one thing we both had in common was we didn't want to shame each other. It meant the world to me that he be proud of me. There's nothing worse than the disappointment in your parent's eyes.

My Daddy LOVED car racing,watching or in the middle of it. You could put money on it, if a race was on tv, Daddy was watching. I did enjoy seeing him watching or talking about it. He would get excited and near-bout glow! It was a family event back when he was racing. Playing cheerleader was actually enjoyable. (No.....No suit and Pom Poms) He also was a shadetree mechanic, unlike him I didn't like to get my hands dirty. Still, I don't favor the idea. My point, yes I have one. See I never told my Daddy that I didn't care for racing. He knew about my dislike for greasy hands. These were a few of his hobbies, he was a mechanic in defense. Helps the wallet too. Anyway, I would sit for hours watching and listening to racing things. This was a way to spend more time with him. It didn't hurt anyone or thing. And, Daddy and I could talk about "anything."It was around 2 years ago that I received a strange call from him. Back when I was still working and flirting. I answered, "hello." I didn't received the same. Instead I heard, "Do you feel I've done more for Bubba than you?" Being the bluntly honest person I am, I answered, "No.....I've never felt that way."

My brother married young(18) with a baby on the way. They lost James Wesley 2 months later. still married they made a go of the marriage. He needed more help. Marriage and more would wait 5 more years for me. He was always there when I needed him. Still nothing like an "Everything's gonna be okay" Daddy Hug! Our situations were different, they still are. I didn't have to "go out and have fun" to make life bearable. Five children later, he's still learning.
The last few weeks I've had a song stuck in my head by Reba McEntire, "The Greatest Man I Never Knew." My Daddy and I lived in contrast to that song. We hugged and kissed on arrival and departure. Both told the other of the Love in our hearts. I knew my Daddy, sometimes better than he himself. He knew me as well.

The day before he died we had a real heart-to-heart talk. I can look back and smile through my tears. My sense of humor favors his like a twin. On the day he died my Daddy passed into his transition knowing a few extra things. The fact I'd never felt he'd failed me. Also, I always knew he loved me. He shared a few things with me as well, the fact that I had never made him ashamed of me, and he was proud to have me as a daughter. I guess all that advice helped after all.

When someone loses a love one, they express to others the importance to cherish the time they have remaining with their loved ones. We say this from our broken hearts, through tears with some, well a lot of envy/jealousy. For the harsh reality we wake to each day is as hard as it is cold.

I write/post about what I'm feeling or thinking about each day. It actually is therapeutic. Surely you didn't think I believed my life was interesting. Did You??

Be Loving Toward One Another.

God Bless,

Tina ~AKA~ Love

Just Private Thoughts and Memories...

Memories of times gone by, a person can begin to feel their own. When I was growing up the environment wasn't very healthy. Prejudices run ramped in towns of all sizes. Our living room was no exception. Thank God it didn't take with me. My friends in life all know where I stand in this subject. When I look at a person I see them, not a color, nationality, or religion. I've never met anyone that bleeds green, if I ever do I'll let ya know. *wink* I have worked very hard to teach my boys to see a person for themselves. Their experience in foster care has me in damage-control mode at all times. My ways in life are not accepted by all in my family. Of course, my Give-a-Damn's been busted since birth on that! One thing my Daddy sit and explained to me, "Love knows no color." What matters in life is how you both feel and how you treat each other. I mean I wouldn't want to be stuck in a loveless, comfortable marriage, just because it "Looks Good." (insert green sick face here) I'd much rather have thought provoking conversations, a little role-play is all good, well there are Many choices in life depends on what "floats your boat." We're only as "freaky" as we allow ourselves, and only as kinky as our partner allows. Anyway, my boys have accepted that some things just happen, without their control. They also know that some things are controlled by others. Wit that I will close this with something I've kept in my home for 20 years.

God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the
Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference

Be Loving Toward One Another.

God Bless,

Tina ~AKA~ Love