When Love Isn't Enough....

I've always known that I fall too quickly, way too hard. But how can you love someone you've never met? It's not as hard as you think, only it's not them. Oh, part of it is....The rest is more of your idea of how you want them to be. As my friends know, I was almost married last year to a man I really didn't know. Even talking to each other most of the day for months, didn't relay simple things about him. When my cousin and I picked him up at the airport, things became more apparent. The original plan was to get to know each other better. Then before he come down, we decided just to get married while he was here. Now, all this time he hadn't told his parents. Yes I did find it strange! But I respected his wishes in not telling his family and friends our plans. After all, we were adults(legally) and he had a right to decide when to tell his own parents. After getting to Texas from Wisconsin, he then decided to let them in on the plan. Then it seemed like a mistake. Now? Thank God, is all I have to say. I wouldn't have been able to tell my Daddy (face-to-face) the things he needed to know. I come back from Oklahoma to spend the last 6 weeks of his life within walking distance. I've recently found a new song by hoobastank that seems to have fit my relationship with my Daddy, "The Reason." I think he's the reason I do Love so deep. Because no matter how much I felt alone, I did know he Loved me (in a Daddy way, pervs) LOL Even me at 39 he still was trying to protect me from the monsters, whoever it was that year. I wanted to find a man that had the good qualities without the down falls of the norm. I didn't (still don't today) want a man to raise, having to make all the decisions in essence. See the guy was 26 and has more mental problems than I do. Not that he's dumb, he's not! But, book learning only helps in some areas in life. When, as Daddy's Little Girl, he can do no wrong. Not that I thought he was perfect. But, the fact he was "my" personal protector for years and saved me, in my eyes anyway. A child's eyes are so kind, forgiving and loving. Who can look down at a glowing face so happy your home, full of excitement, without feeling the strings of your heart being tugged or at least strummed. Yet we all know that even spending 15 minutes with them is better than seeing their "Light" go out. That continues through-out life. Each relationship we experience either helps build your love or dash all hopes. Back to the story here. I spoke with his Dad, it all made sense. Not that my own self doubt wasn't screaming already, now someone with wise words as well. So our eloping was out of the question. In the whole time he was down in Texas, I wasn't exciting enough. Plus I still had classes, visits, meetings, and work as well. I failed his tests. Oh well, the tests that were sent his way (not by me), weren't flying. We parted(I thought) as friends, not in his eyes. When it came to him, my thoughts were nothing like his. Saying that I Love someone isn't the same anymore. So when I think of the man I "Love," I am more detailed as to what or why I say that. I Love his mind(he can use his brain and does), personality(his excitement about life is great), ambition(he has an agenda that's possible), and he has a wildly creative side. Does he know how I feel? No, and he never will. Why, you ask? Because I have nothing to offer to a relationship. Having that said, I'll close for now.

Be Loving Toward One Another.

God Bless,

Tina ~AKA~ Love