yes I'm Still around!!

Hello Everyone! just thought I would let you all know that I'm still alive and well. The only way I can get online is through the libraby at the moment. Hope all is Well With ya'll.. Love to you always. My mailing addy is: Tina Loers; PO BOX 1684; Lawton, OK 73502 I'll write when I can. :D

Take Care, God Bless and Talk to you All Soon!

Tina

Packing and Getting Out!!

Just about everything is out of the house that is mine. Now I have to wait for my brother to get here to get the rest packed on the trailer and truck for it's trip to Texas, Where I'm NOT going!! Seems I've been on someone's nerves as of late. That or He's having problems dealing with the fact that I'm going where I am and no way to talk to him. If that's the case, I wish he would just tell me. Of Course, I did a foolish thing, and forwarded a message to him from someone he doesn't know and well there were things said. Anyway, I can only work on one day at a time here. Well I'm off here.. Hope all is Well with Everyone!!

Andy, I want to apologize for being so irritating these last few days, as my stress level has been a bit higher. Until Next We Meet, My Love.

Take Care, God Bless and Talk to you All Soon!

Tina

I'll Be Gone for a Few Weeks!!

Well, They have made arraingments for the boys and I to stay at a shelter in Lawton, until housing becomes available. There's no sense in going back to Texas I would still be in the same shape there. And without any help, I might add. Send me a message, I'll see about getting back to you when I can! Chin's up, now just one day at a time!!!!!

Take Care, God Bless and Talk to you All Soon!

Tina

Good News, Bad News???

Well the Good News first!! Andy and I have been spending more "Quality" time together. And, yes, We're both enjoying it. Still playing pool when we can, me still getting gripped at by Mom. Oh well, She doesn't remember how to feel good, I guess! Anyway, I could go on and on about it. What the hell, I think I will. It was okayed to tell you that he shocked me the other night! He asked me if I wanted to see something freaky. Well you know me.. I said Sure! Then in front of my eyes, he stripped naked!! Hell yes I enjoyed it. And?? LOL But I was told the convo didn't need to be here. Soooooo, I guess I'll keep it to a minimum. LMAO We discussed carpet colors, no I won't mention the way we described them. Umm it was interesting. Oh he tried his hand at mind-reading, and did very well I might Add!! We discussed certain things and to who they belong. More likes and dislikes. *Huge Grin* Then I asked, Why it seems I type more than he does, then obliged me with a paragraph.. I have to show it. I Love this Man!!! It was so Cool.. Andy: I don't know. I guess I could sit here and type for a solid hour to make up for lost words so to speak and just make one complete run-on setence that you'll probably get tired of reading and might not even finish reading the whole thing because there's a good chance you'll get bored with it and start to wonder why he isn't stopping because really this isn't making any sense at all, all this rambling I mean, because he could stop any time because I get the point, or maybe it's just because I really don't type very fast or very well so I keep my answers fairly short, unlike this one which seems to be going on forever but I think I'll stop now. Love: I LOVE YOU!!!! Andy: I love you too! Then, I got serious on him. Asking some questions I needed answered. We still flirted and teased each other. But my Questions kept coming. The cool thing is, he didn't Cringe once. And it seems we've gotten closer because of that Q & A session. Cool, Huh?? He's always worried he's going to bore me. Not Hardly! Now, my bore my readers? Probably.. LOL But you always have the luxury of that big red box in the upper right hand corner with the X in it.. Don't you? *Shrugs Bare Shoulders* <--(Andy Likes that) Oh and he told me, I'm not allowed to propose to him, YET! LOL Something about touching the person he's engaged to, I can understand that though. No, Really I can!! I've never told ya'll, He's met some really interesting people, well his family and him. I know that no one could possible tell I'm totally in Love with him, Huh?? I'm so Subtle about it and all.... LMAO He has a Great sense of humor, a Sexy voice, Handsome, Smart, and a Kind Loving Heart. No, I'm not kissing up. It's true!! Now the BAD News! As I previously posted, My Mother's husband sold their house. That has left us all Homeless come Saturday. Yes as in day after tomorrow. The boys and I have nowhere to go. That's life isn't it. Just when it seems things are looking up, all the shit hits the fan in a different part of your life. Oh Well, this isn't going to get me down. I'll be calling for additional help. I think I've said this before, But, I REALLY don't want to go back to Texas!!! I know where I want to be, but that's not possible, yet. And I am Spoiled, and usually get what I want. No that is not a challenge. I'm too straight-forward to not go for something I want. But in life, Needs come first. My children Need a home, security, and it needs to be something for them and about them for now. Andy understands this. I understand it much better then they think! I've Caught more Hell in the past few days than I had in well over a year. Stress does that to people, A Lot to say the least. So to those that I Love and may not be able to talk to for a While. I want you to know that I will be thinking of you. I will try to send messages and try to keep up my blog with any updates. But you ALL Need to know this..... If I lose touch for a While..... I'll Still Love you All... I do have a few phone numbers to reach some. Until I can get my life in order, with a job. I'll not be able to use them!! God Bless Every ONE of you that have been there for me when I was at my Lowest. I don't give up!!! Don't believe me?? Ask Andy!!!

Take Care, God Bless and Talk to you All Soon!

Tina

Fleeing from the Company of "Misery"!

Last night I had a BLAST! I believe he did too, I guess I could Ask? *shrugs bare shoulders* As the night went on we chatted, flirted, and teased. Of course, all good things come to an end, so at 4:26 AM I headed off to bed. At 8:15, I was up and just about ready to go, Mom was running late. The wake up call was to be at 7, so we could be at the Health Dept by 8. Just didn't happen! As usual, it became my fault that "my" children had to eat before we left. Oh and Andy and I were playing a few games of Pool while waiting. This is what set her off, she was irritated beyond belief. I think she's afraid I might have a little fun, (or simply not be totally miserable), We all know what they say!! "Misery Loves Company!" After she threw several fits, cooked something, she walks out the back door screaming, "If you're going with me get in the truck!" Barely giving Andy enough time to sink the eight ball and beat me again. LOL Don't worry, I don't mind losing to him, anyone else, well let's just say competitiveness is contagious. Off to the Health Deparment we go, time for shots. Uh oh, Alex (12) needs two instead of the one he expected. She gets the shots ready, he decides he doesn't want them and wants to go back to Texas. He was fighting, we were trying to assure him it would be over in no time. So we sat him in my lap, my holding his arms down to his sides, she administers the shots and it's over. Next in line, Chance (4), he was very impatient, telling the "Nursy" to hurry and get me my shots. Of course, after the first stick he wasn't as sure as before. With him needing four shots, this meant fun was coming! We did meet with some resistance, not anything near what Alex gave us. It was then all over, few tears, and he receives a book and a tootsie roll. Bobby (15), sits down nervously, looks up at me, and begins to pull up his left sleeve. I told him to take his, count it ONE shot in his right arm. He uses it more often being right-handed, therefore, he can "work the soreness out" much faster. Out the door with papers in hand to get them into school, *Grinning Hugely* Thinking of the silence I will have tomorrow as no children will be here fighting. I go to a few more places and make appts. Finally, heading back to where we are staying for the moment. As of yesterday, I was informed we have to be moved out by Saturday! Hell, if I get anymore "GOOD NEWS," I'm liable to have to go into histerics. And No you can Not Watch!!! But if My Mother doesn't lighten up, Well the phrase, "I haven't killed anyone, yet" will not be truthful in my standing.

Take Care, God Bless and Talk to you All Soon!

Tina

Not much going on....

Well not much happening today. I'm still trying to get the boys in school here. They all 3 need a shot to get enrolled. Made a lot of phone calls, but with all the faxes in order I'll get everything done tomorrow. Even Chance gets to go to school! He's excited!! I'd like to say that I AM NOT going for the world's longest Blog, as someone accused me of. I was just typing and it all just got away from me yesterday. Anyways...

Take Care, God Bless and Talk to you All Soon!

Tina

The Way You Make Me FEEL!!!

Depending on our moods, I can feel content, excited or just plain over-heated. Makes it hard to sleep sometimes being so riled at times. I know you know that feeling as well. Control of my words is something I don't have all the times. Emotions run high when we talk either on the net or the phone. I can't hide that part of me for some reason. Maybe it's the passionate side of me. And to say it's just a sexual attraction, would be untrue. Don't get me wrong, it's there, but to be able to lay next to you touching you would satisfy me. To Look deep in your eyes, hear you breathe, your voice vibrate through my soul, it's this and so much more. I know I tend to be too romantic. But I don't look out the window looking for the "Knight in Shining Armor." To say I would gladly wake up to your face every morning, would be an understatement! Of course, I'll work around the mirror so you can wake up to it too.. Or were you going to use the pic on the pillow thing?? LOL Then, there are the times you pull back, just as we seem to be so close. It makes me wonder if it's me or you. I don't really have commitment issues, just the distance thing that really gets to me. I know that you've been engaged more times than I have. And I've been married once, but you haven't. Pressuring you is the last thing I would ever want to do. I've tried to not ask for more than anyone is willing to give. Friendly chats, flirting, and the occassional spewing of love words. Okay so It's not occassional, and it's not to convince anyone, just the sharing of what I'm feeling. I miss talking to you when it's been 2 days. Waiting a month to miss you is something I'm not able to do! I've always admitted to being spoiled. And I get spoiled to things just like the next person. I've expressed this before, but here goes, again. To be able to talk to you whenever I wanted would be like a dream come true. I think some people take that for granted. Living so far from someone, isn't easy, and can ruin a good relationship. Whether it be a friendship or the love of your life. I feel the pressure too. I feel the loneliness of not being able to reach out and touch you too. I have faith in things working out for more reasons than one. I look at my friends, and I see good friends, many miles away. Moon and Obi met over the internet, fell in love and now are living happily in the same home. So I know that Love knows no boundaries! It's a strong emotion that people share, on different levels, sure, But it's still Love. I feel all the levels of Love with you. Starting with the friendship part, sitting here chatting or playing games. Caring how we feel at the moment, to how our days may have went. We both ask each other that very thing. Admiring each other for the things we are strong enough to survive, looking at you on cam smile and laugh, some of the looks you give me. Oh and let's not forget when you get that sparkle in your eyes, not knowing if you're up to some mischief or just having fun in general! Either one, I enjoy every second of it. I treasure each moment, we spend together, for each smile we bring to each other, and the gift of knowing you. This is how I feel and yes you make it possible for me to feel loved more than I ever have felt. Now to work on the touching you Part!! *Batting Eyelashes*

Take Care, God Bless and Talk to you All Soon!

Tina

School's Back In!!!

The Oldest Boys go back to school tomorrow. Yes I'm happy about it and sad too. This will give them something to do, so they won't be so bored! But, it cuts down the time we get to spend together. Our Bonding has been strained, that's putting it lightly. We are still waiting for "Normal" to return. Hmmmm, Does anyone know what that is? Yes, there were fights, angry words, that's the norm for siblings. There are 2 and half years between Bobby and Alex, then 7 years and 7 months between Alex and Chance. There's always something going on. Alex plays too rough with Chance so, it makes him scream and cry. Bobby and Alex fight so much it's crazy. But now Bobby and Chance are pretty close. I know Bobby will be wanting to go out with his friends soon enough. Don't worry, I'll let him some of the time. If I know who he's with and where they plan to go. It's not that I don't trust him, I just don't know anyone up here. Alex is just so full of energy to do something, he doesn't know what to do with his time. With that, and the fact that he still doesn't know how NOT to get into trouble, I can't let him go too far at all. Chance is a bundle of Energy that gets into and onto everything his little body can! That is typical for their ages. But the separation that took place for 10 months has taken it's toll on all of them. Bobby wants to rule and protect too. Alex is ready to fight about anything at the drop of a hat. And Chance, well Chance has an attitude from Hell. Talking back, ugly words, and rebellion is a "normal" thing from him. Taking things from the older 2 works, but not Chance. He can play with sticks and be happy. Soap in the mouth for the ugly words hasn't worked either. I'm at a loss here. I've tried the time out thing, and the loving talking thing... What's next? I've taken classes for all of this, but nothing they suggested has worked. Of course My Mother has the perfect solution.... They need a Father figure!!! The sad thing is, I agree to an extent. Not that I'm going out looking for a Husband anytime soon. Just like thinking of going back to Texas. It's all too much to think about at the moment. A Stressful day does that to me. And yes I know you all know about Andy, but I don't sit in front of this computer looking to get married. Maybe one day. (I'll get the preacher, you bring the witnesses) LOL (private joke) I used to agree with others about marriage changing a relationship. Not now, my thoughts on that is, things only change if you've been pretending to be someone you're not. I don't pretend to be perfect in any way! Anyway, I know ya'll don't want to hear about my dilemas on marriage or what it means, I'm sure. If you do just ask, I'll tell you.. :D Right now I have to stand on my own 2 feet and let the rest fall into place when it is allowed. I also know that sounds strange to some, not to all. Long distance relationships are the hardest. My Faith in him is very strong, as is my Love. I can hope it all works out. Knowing Andy is fun. He thinks he's boring. NOT!! But then again, I think I'm boring. So what does that say about us?? Well, I'll close for now. Have a Great Week!! Take care and God Bless.

What Do I Do?? Any Suggestions??

Since I've been here in Oklahoma, I've put in application after application, to no avail! No one bothered to tell me if you don't carry an Oklahoma Driver's license, you don't work in Oklahoma. Picky aren't they? No My Mother's Husband decided to tell my children that this place has been broken down because they are here. Here's more the fact, If it weren't for my 12 yr old the trash would still be piled up all over the place. He's the one that got out there and busted his ass for almost 3 weeks, paid a whole $40 dollars for at least 6 hours a day in the 3 weeks. But that's not using my child. Yes, today I'm Bitching, Raising Hell!! Say what you will to me, Don't mess with my Children. If he thinks that he's hurting my feelings by letting me know I'm not wanted here, well he's wasting his time. But to hurt my children, Pisses me off beyond belief. And He was actually Shocked I got in his face and told him to stay away from them and not to say another word to them either. Sadly, Sunday is known as "Fight Day" in my family. I remember going to church every Sunday to come home to all the fights and arguements of everyone else. It never mattered how good a mood someone was in, Someone has to fight. As some know I haven't been here long. Now I have to find a way to go back to Texas. That's the last place I want to live. Of course No one understands. My List of people that matter is getting smaller by the day. Sad?? Nah.... It's life. I'm just glad none of you know my family. I'd never be able to show my face on here again. Now that's sad!!!

Bored? Maybe... Waiting.. ALWAYS!!

I really think we spend more time waiting on things or people then anything else. Even if you are doing something constructive, it's just to pass the time waiting! I could be wrong. Think about it though, you turn in an application and wait for them to call you back for the interview. you show up for an appointment of any kind. If you get there early or not you wait for them to get to you. you go to the movies, and wait through the line for your turn, then you wait (watching commercials) for the movie to begin! At night you lie down to sleep, then wait for it to find you. All this waiting is tiresome. LOL I'll not go into everything I wait for. I'm not trying to bore you to death. I would like to give out a holler to those of you that commented on my site here. I Love each of you. Nothing Like my Sister's in Arms. God Bless each of you!! And, yes I still have that song in my head. Nothing like the Beatles! Andy will vouch for that!! Won't you Sweetie?? *Big Grin* Take care and talk to you all Soon...

Oh Lord Help me with the Chaos of Today...

Boy oh boy is today going to be fun. Everyone has decided to fight or cry. I'm actually in a decent mood. Just trying to find something to occupy my time. Arguement after arguement, fit after fit, makes you want to say "Calgon take me AWAY!!" But as we all know that doesn't work. It's a pipe dream like most things in life. I think I'll go hide in the bathroom for a while. Then I'll be able to sanely continue this blog! Loads of fun here today. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not really bitching. I'm just venting! LOL I'm not sure about others, but I try to stay in touch with things that happen in what I consider my hometown. The only way I can do that, is by reading the local newspaper online. Today, I learned of the death of a family friends 2 yr old son. This saddens me. With my boys here and healthy, I know how lucky I am. So many things have happened around me. And the little one's can't do it alone, therefore, I don't believe they are. As God watches over us, I believe he carries the little one's in a net when at all possible. I can't fathom how someone could hurt a baby. And I'm not sure how I would deal with a sick baby, let alone the death of one. We'll send a card, I know it won't be the same as having him laughing and smiling in their arms. Okay, I've wrote enough on this. I'll write more later. Sorry if I bore anyone. I'm just being me.

Okay a little Mushy Stuff!

Okay so I'm a mushy person at times. I'll admit it! I'm not ashamed!! Okay so who are you and why are you reading this? LOL The last couple of days I've spent with that "Special Someone," Playing games and chatting. I'm not sure if he knows just how much this time means to me. Almost like watching tv together. Does that make sense? It's time, not always what you do with it that counts. Just enjoying someone's company. The Smiles are just a bonus! And, Yes he has a devastating smile!! He's feeling a bit under the weather still. I am hoping it all gets better soon. (still I'd kiss it to make it better!) As usual, we were in the middle of our time, and Mom needed the phone. It Never fails. But there's always tomorrow. My Internet Sister's have been going through some sad dilemas. I'm praying for them, as I do always for the one's in my life. I have thought about my nickname I have a lot lately. I used to wonder why they called me Love. I think I've almost figured it out. Yes I do have a lot of Love for others, Giving it openly and willingly. The Beatles song comes to mind. "All we need is Love" and No I'm not talking about me. But Love does make the world go round!! Until later.. God be with you.. Love to you also! Tina (Love)

No Electric... Have Mercy!!

Okay, so Oklahoma doesn't work fast! The electricity went off at 7PM, it come back on 2 times not long enough to do anything. Then, FINALLY, around 1:30 pm it come on, and it's still on. (Hold's breath, not to jinx anything!) A Nice Cool Storm hit. The winds weren't but about 80 mph. Not to mention the rain so heavy you couldn't see anything in the yard. There was a tornado, in the town, on the other side. Everyone is fine here. Frustration sat in about 10 PM, I went to the car and listened to the radio. And of course I had already broke out the candles. No one in Oklahoma keeps those things. Go Figure. LOL After a while my oldest come out to get me. He was lonely, everyone else had went to bed. I went to take a shower, and while in there the lights came on. Yes I thanked God, and finished my shower. But to no avail, before the computer booted up, they went off again. Sitting here in the dark I was beginning to believe it wasn't my night! I went to sleep after a while. Woke up to the lights on at 9 AM, sent out one message, then off they went again. Considered taking the boys to the school to enroll them, but no electric there either. So no faxes of school records available! Well there's always Monday!! I've been trying to message others. But I guess they aren't getting them. So here I sit. I just realized something. Today is my 11th Anniversary of my Divorce, it also was a Friday the 13th. I didn't find it an unlucky day at all, a sad one for a few years. Now I look back and realize that it was the best thing that could happen. I would never have met the people I call my friends, nor would I have ever known the Love from them. There is something to the saying, "Things happen for a Reason!" It took me a few years to see that. I can't imagine not knowing Reesie, Moon, Audrey, Zepp, Peachy, Red, Both Polar's, and last But Definitely not least, Andy!! Talk to ya'll later. Also, I hope no one takes offense if I didn't mention you. You all mean a lot to me! I just hope you know that!! Take care. Love to Ya.....

To Be or Not to Be.... Boring???

If you hide the fact that you love someone, does that mean it isn't real? Not that I can hide anything like that. I talk about it all the time. No subtlety there(well Here)! And Caffiene isn't the best thing for me either. It makes me ramble worse than usual. So, Decaf Please!?! LOL My friends and loved ones thank you for that. I have been in a very talkative mood most of the day. But the person I wanted to talk to wasn't in the mood for it. Played Pool with Jennifer today. I met her through Andy. She's a Lively one, Very Humorous. I like that. I have fun playing games with her. And chatting with her too. She lets me talk as much as I want to about Andy! I'm sure I bore her. I'm not a real exciting person to begin with. I Love to Laugh, to help others laugh as well!! Smiling and Laughing really is good for the Soul! Not only does it make you feel good but others around you too. Lots of things make us feel good. I'll not go into details here. We all know what we like!! Anyhow, back to Andy... LOL No I'm kidding! I don't want to bore everyone. Chance My youngest had 2 birthday cakes this year. He'll be bouncing off the walls from the sugar high for the next few days. LOLOh and I started this yesterday.. so to let you know I played pool again today with Jennifer. Andy still isn't feeling well. So I sent him a "Get Well" card. Still doing Laundry today. Getting ready for the boys to start school. See I told you I was boring! I think I'll close this for now. I'm going to chat with my friends! They Made a Room!!!! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS! Love to you all. I Love you Andy, get to feeling better. Take care and talk to you Soon!

Finally Back to my Computer!!! Yesssssssssssss!

This is going to be a quickie, for now.. It's like 4 AM, I'm very tired and can't see straight. I will be adding a few posts later today. And today is my youngest son's Birthday.. Now a big 4 yr old.. LOL Hugs to everyone that wants them... And Much Love to the "Special" one! I'll be on later.. blogging and chatting.. Have a Great Morning.. (kisses)

The Road Splits.... What Choices??

It wasn't so bad being in Texas. Being that my brother is far from my favorite person to be around, I still don't hate him. But will never care to be in his company again either. This time has shown me a few things. Like where the things that were stolen from my house went. Where the bill money went. Oh well, I'll get my life all back in order without him paying his bills he owes in my name. Or even drinking from my coffee cup again. Typing this is much easier than writing it. Plus it hleps if you can read your own handwritting..LOL I was a bit upset when I wrote this blog. I sat up most of the night trying to relax and go to sleep. It didn't work! So I sat up thinking of all the things said and all the things around me. The New TV, DVD player, VCR, Oh and let's not forget the Surround sound system. And the DVD collection that most would envy. Not me! To me it's blood money. A few of you that read this know the story behind this, key word is few. My Mother is still in her Dream world of where her "Son" is perfect. HA!! Someone that spent time in prison, is perfect? and innocent?? And she defended him to me!!!!!!! Just like old times. That's okay. I did get to point out that for the 5 years he was in prison. I was the one there to help her. But I see it was all for naught, in her eyes anyway. It's all going to be fine. My world isn't ending over pictures, movies, dishes or even the box of food they took. I'll replace what needs to be, and blow off the rest. Also, since it was the only place that the boys and I could stay, you'd have been proud. There was no drama. I didn't say a word to start any fights. Some have called me weak for this. But, trust me it takes more strength to not live the drama! The few family members I still stay in contact with, know I'm ready to break away. The thought of leaving everything and one that you know is usually scary to most. Not to me...Not anymore! Have a good Day!! God Bless and Take Care.

Don't have a Title.....

I'm sitting here wondering how this day will end? I feel as if I'm going into the lion's den. That's how it felt sitting there Thursday evening. And now I have to go back. Seems it's the only way to get back to Oklahoma. I'm so ready to just move away, family is so much hassle. Then there are those that really do try to help. But in my family you sit there and wonder why they're doing it... what will they gain from it?? Sooooo I sit here wondering, what's next this time... More later.. Love to you.. And a Special Thanks to Melissa for the laptop use... Kept me from going nuts in the room while stuck in Texas....

Tina

Have You Ever Wondered......

Why Pencil eraser's are so Small?

Why pens became erasble?

What would have happened it you had been born to a different family?

What if I had skipped that one night on the net?

How Life would be without your Dearest Friends?

What it would be like to never meet a stranger?

What if I'm not good enough?

If all this IS really worth it?

Could life really be better, and what of our trials and tribulations?

If in pursuing your dreams, could you find the happiness, you've been told you deserve?

How do you Know what you deserve?

Has someone Ever written a book that will never be read? Or painted or drawn a picture that shall never be viewed?

If all was peaceful in the world, would someone pic a fight?

Can you really wake up one morning and have fallen out of Love?

If Loving someone hurts, Why do it?

If all you knew in life was Love, would you be Happy?

If a person is blind, how can they "see" things so well?

If I end this now, How long will you think about all this?

Why you sat there and answered some of the questions(to yourself or aloud), but, still won't comment?

God Bless you! This was food for thought. Tell me, Did it Work?

Tina (hugs)

Some Questions Parent's Should Ask.....Themselves!!

1. Do I Enhance and/or Encourage my child(ren)'s Curiousities and Creativity?

2. Have I played with my them enough, that they KNOW Life can be Fun and Fulfilling?

3. Have I ever made them feel the way my parent's made me feel?

4. Am I continuing a vicious circle, or creating a Loving One?

5. How many times in one day, is telling them you Love them, too many?

6. Do they really know that you Love them?

7. Are My Actions making them my best friend or my worst Enemy?

Sometimes, It's not what you do FOR your child(ren). But, What you do WITH them!! Loet's not wait until we're without them to realize this. Love is All Around--Spread IT! Start at home and work from there..

Tina

A Few Thoughts From.... a Simple Mind??

Of all things, My Mother wants to move back to Texas. I don't. But I have no where to go right now. For some reason, My Mother thinks she's too old to "start over". But tell me who thinks they can? It's not a matter of thought. It's a matter of will to go on!! Yes it's hard to do, I'll admit that. And I don't have a problem meeting new people. I do, however, have a problem with moving back to Texas. I was born and raised there. I guess you can say I am just tired of it. Nothing against my fellow Texans, Honest. If you like it, more power to you. For years I've thought of nothing but getting, NORTH!! Then I started talking to someone from the "Mid West!" I'm not one to pick up and move to somewhere that I'm not wanted, or even invited too. And, I'm not sitting here waiting for the invite either. There's a reason God gave me the strength to stand up and reach for each of my goals. I've stumbled as anyone else has, but give up? NEVER!!! I'm not sure if I'm considered, Tenacious or Persistant?? Or Both?? I'm determined not to move to Texas. But in reality, I will do what's best for my Boy's. With that in mind, I'll also strive to put into motion my goal to get where I want to be. When I am sure I know where that is...LOL Strange, how we know we want something. But, Don't know exactly what it is! For example, I know how I want things to be! Knowing how to get there is the hard part. And when I get there, will it be everything I want it to be? Will it be for the right reasons? (Okay, maybe I'm not simple-minded as my ex told me I was!) Easily amused and satisfied? Most of the time! I'm considered the female version of a "Nice Guy"! And we all know where they end up!!! For a very long time, I sat there waiting for my turn to be "Happy." For it to find me, not really searching for it. In that time I did finally realize that anything worth having is worth fighting for. Whereas, you must Give to get in return! Believe me, I've given! and given, and given some more... And I'll give some more if need be. Some see it as "giving in" to another's will. Or letting other's walk all over me. It's beyond that! Think about all the abuse in the world, no really.. Does that stop everyone from feeling happy?? Stop everyone from falling in Love?? Does it even stop you from Celebrating a Birthday, be it your's or that of a loved one?? Does Everyone give up on things the first sign of a rough time?? As with all, there are bumps in life. It's the way you conquer the obstacles that matters, not the course you've taken. That to me, would be like wondering What's going to happen on the road behind me. To worry if someone else is going to make it, taking the same road I did, but I fail. Failure is different for each person. There are Personal failures, failures of Society, Justic System failures, and then the Biggest failure of all...... Giving up on yourself!!! It's hard for me to give up, on others or me. Is that weird?? I understand that everything I type here is more or less of an oppinion. Mine to be exact. The last thing I want anyone to think, is that I want anyone else thinking as I do. The difference in oppinion's, thoughts, beliefs, and in general what other's may want proven, is what makes people in our world interesting. And I told a friend I was boring tonight. I think I've proven that with each time I post things here. Thought provoking things have always enthralled me. The hardest thing to do sometimes, is to figure out the answer, when you know it's in the back of the book! Not everyone looks. I know some do. But what do you get by being handed all the answers?? It's not the true experiences of Life. Just a form of, okay someone already did this, it didn't work for them, WHY TRY?? Are you one of those that Try?? Isn't what you Strive for or Dream of Worth the RISK?? Hey I'm not talking about walking on broken glass here!! It's a wee it deeper than that. Don't you think?? May God Bless you and Keep you until I return, Tina

The color is For Miss Peachy.. See I Luvs ya too..

Some Things!

Hello Everyone, And tell me how you are this Lovely, Hot Day! Yes, It may seem that I'm having a wonderful day. That's because I am!! Andy shared some of his artwork with me again today. He's quite talented. He even drew one while we sat here chatting. It was cool to watch. He's shown me quite a few family pics of his also. I really enjoy spending this time with him. I'm not sure if he realizes how special it is to me. Funny Thing is, his horoscope said: "Combining romance and a favored hobby might seem like utopia, and you will get a taste of this perfect combo today. Pleasant music could dominate the day as you seek a harmony to express the recent victories you have had in one-on-one relationships." Cool isn't it? Fasinating how that actually fits sometimes. I don't live my life by that though. I never have. I have actually met people that do. And they also call and talk to advisors and psychics. Now, don't get me wrong I know that there are "gifted" ones. And I know some don't believe in that either. Oh well, I guess that's How I know I'm not here to please everyone. Each of "Our" beliefs are our own. Thank God! Because over the years, I've met some really weird people with beliefs that, well as gently as possible, I can't phathom. Not to say my beliefs are right and others are wrong, Just some beliefs are unique! *Big "Innocent" Grin* (Damn I miss my emoticons on here!!) Anywho, I'll be leaving in the morning to go to Corsicana. So I won't be posting for a couple of days, and some will get a rest from daily ramblings. Now for the really good news. We have a way down there, just no way back. I just Love these "missions" we embark on! I'm so unexcited about this trip, it's unreal. Mainly because I'm not going to be able to get my things. But on the up side. I will be able to get more of my clothes that fit me. Of all things to leave behind, Huh? We ran out of room to put anymore on the truck or in the car. Try moving in a Pontiac Firebird sometime. They did get a good laugh out of my moving my king-sized bed to my Aunt's, on the top of it. LOL I have to admit it was a sight to see. But then again, I've always done that kind of thing. And when there's no trucks available, you have to improvise. I may not be able to tell a joke, but I can do Loads of other things. LOL I remember when "country" wasn't cool, then when it was, and now it's not again. LOL To be able to Cook?? God forbid!! It was sad I could cook better in my freshman year of High school then my Home Ec teacher could. I was raised in a kitchen full of women cooking, started when I was 5. You should have seen the chairs I used to reach everything. LOL And, if that wasn't tall enough, Dallas phone books were the booster seats of yester-year, and worked really good to step up on the counters with. Weird the things you remember, and the way each of us "fixed" our short problems as kids. Well, I think I'll close this for now. Everyone have a Good rest of the week and a Great Weekend, just in case I don't get back in time. *rolls eyes* Love to you, Tina PS: And Andy, I just wanted to say I Love you, Just incase I don't get back for a few days!

Okay, Okay Here Goes Another Few Thoughts

I Do believe this is "Apricot"!! And they know who I'm talking too.. LMAO Just remember I Love you Honey... *Big Grin* Anyway, I'd like to apologize for putting Blame on Red for getting me hooked on this. Actually, It's pretty theraputic. I can put anything here, and in all honesty, I will..LOL So if you think you're safe, Think Again. :D Well my day was pretty good today. Still haven't found a job. But I have faith, I know things will work out. I'm supposed to go this weekend to get the majority of my things from Texas. I was going to try to go tomorrow. But that fell through. So ya'll are stuck with me until the weekend. I know you won't miss me much. I'll be back..LOL The past few days have been kind of eventful, in my eyes anyhow. I've been spending a bit more time with Andy. It's always nice to chat with my friends and the one I Love. And they all know who they are! I try really hard not to get to sentimental or mushy, I know I don't succeed often...LOL Oh well!! I guess that's just a part of me that I can't hide. Not that I hide anything, I have no reason for that. Lying is something else that I don't do. As anyone that knows me knows, Ask me anything. If I feel comfortable answering then I will. If not, don't worry I'll tell you it's not something I feel I need to discuss, or my reply may be more like: And that's your business, because??? I'm a smartass. In my defense, I've found I'd much rather be a Smartass than a Dumbass!! I've been treated like I'm stupid or just fell off the tater wagon yesterday...LOL And even played along with it. Try telling a cop that you have no idea what a trifold registration is!!!! See if he believes you.. HE did ME!!! LMAO The only problem to that was that when he went back to the copshop, the officers that knew me told him he'd been duped. I still didn't get a ticket, but he never liked me again! The sacrifices some of us make. LOL (yes there's a story to that too. I'll have to relay at a later time!) Well, maybe I'll just tell you in the naughty box. When I sit here I think, maybe too much! I have been told I over-analyze things. Between putting in Applications and waiting for a response, there seems to be Waaaaaaayyyyy too much time to think. Oh, but let's not forget my Day Dreaming too...LOL I have this problem with my memory, I remember too much. It's scary to some people, most of them prefer that I forget more then I remember. The memory thing has it's advantages and disadvantages, like when someone lies to me. They had best remember that lie....LOL Because I'm the one that will say that's not what you said before! And the fact that I archive my conversations, tends to freak some out. I don't use them against others, I have used them to remind someone of what they've told me or what I told them. It's much easier than arguing. But now arguing can be fun. *wink* I always did like the make up part of it!! As I look at the things I've typed already, I know what most of you are thinking. Damn, if she types that much, she must never shut up. LOL But that's only after good sex...LMAO Damn, did I type that out loud?? LOL I thought I would leave a little more of a message to that certain someone.... I hope you've been having as good a time as I have been this last week. May our journey continue with smiles and laughs galore. I Love You! Oh, and don't worry, not many people read this. Just my closest friends.... Kisses

A Message From My Heart! For the Brothers and Sisters of the Internet!!

For those of you that Know me.... You know my biggest weakness is my own Love of others and of some things. I'm just like everyone else, I listen to music that suits my mood.... A music mixture that is beyond belief to most. Love Songs are one of the things that keep me in hopes of the "One!" My Hopes are as big as my heart. Those that know me, know my Heart is as big as Texas... Or so a few have said. I don't meet a stranger, much...LOL I've been called Sweet so much, it's no wonder I'm diabetic... And believe it or not it really is hard for me to be a true "Bitch." I think a few others in my family used that card up....LMAO I've learned a few things over the years. Plus, after 3 children, the nerves do tend to get a bit frazzled. But, that doesn't take the Love away from them... Just gives me a few extra feet of room sometimes... A Few of my Internet Brothers and Sisters know about the pain I've been through on this computer, well the net. And I want them to know that I know that I wouldn't have kept my sanity throughout each ordeal that they have supported me through. Sometimes it's okay for someone to tell you, "It's gonna be Okay, (Honey, Sissie, Sis, Hun, Hon.....etc)" No matter what was going on, either about my children or my suck-ass Love Life, I've had some of the BEST Moral Support anyone could ever ask for. When my family let me down here, my group of friends never did. Shocking to think I'm living with my Mother right now. I Do believe someone liked to have passed out when I told where I was moving too... and offered a Huge Good Luck. Which was much appreciated.. and still is... and yes it's still okay. But getting worse by the day. When it comes to my family I don't hold my breath or hold much hope for a long standing anything. Well, maybe the Long Standing Resentment that I'm even still around. Oh don't get me wrong, they Love my children, and would love to have them. I'm the inconvenience. No this isn't a plea for someone to feel sorry.... I've lived this way all of my life. First I was the way to get to my Daddy by my Mom... so I've always been useful or one sort or another! Don't believe me you can ask My Aunt. She'll tell you. *Shakes head in disgust* Good thing I'm a survivor, and not the kind from the nice little jungles on the TV...LOL There was a time When we had a somewhat normal family. LMAO That all left us in 1981, with the passing of my Mammam. She was the true glue to our "family." She wasn't around when her first grandchild graduated from highschool.. yes, that was me. She wasn't around for the birth of any of her great-grandchildren. I know she still watches over all of us. That was just her. No matter what you did or said to her.. Although it might have hurt, Her Love was Strong. It took a lot to kill her Love. I guess that's where I got my Ability to Love from... to Forgive at every turn... Her Hope for Life's future... Okay I have to close this now.. I'll write more later.. Have a good night... Oh and you can blame Red for this... I guess I'll soon be considered a blog whore too...LOL One thing I have to say about that.... IT'S ALL GOOD!!!! Tina

Why is Life Like a Roller Coaster???

Ever felt as if some days your life was like an Amusement Park? Or, the lack of any Amusement at all? I think we all have those days. The Ups and Downs of day to day happenings. Somedays I tell you, everything is funny. From the way they are laying sleeping in the bed, to them being all Sprawled out on the floor watching TV. Remember when we were kiddies? And not allowed to make near the amount of noise kids now-a-days make? And Argue about everything!!! Things that don't even matter. I Pray, A LOT! God give me strength to make it through one more day... I know He hears me. I'm sure he finds some of Our Prayers amusing at times also. I can't say I know what God thinks or the reasons He does things. I accept them. I saw the Prayer on a wall at my childhood Dr's office: "God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can. And WISDOM to know the difference. " Strange how somethings just, Stick! With all the prayers I have read in the Bible. I still fall back on this one. Especially when it comes to my boys. Don't get me wrong, they are good kids. But Oh Boy, can they push every "wrong" button!!! LOL My almost 4 year old reminds me of the little boy from "Parenthood". Yes that one!! Wreaking havoc on himself and everyone around him, and then crawls into your lap and tells you he loves you. Or, walks up saying, I just want to hug you. *Sigh* Then there's my 12 year old, God Bless His Little Heart!!! Stuck between childhood and teenager. He is so confused about a lot of things. I remember those years. Not quite a child anymore. Being told, "You're too Old to do that now!" Or, "You're not old enough to do or act that way!" One of those "Damned if you Do, Damned if you Don't!!!" I still can relate to the frustration, mine are just a bit different now. I'm not sure I want to talk about my 15 year old right now. He acts as if the weight of the world is on his back all the time. He's my worrier. He Worries about Everything. I remember the first time I looked at him and realized how anal retentive he was. BTW, that was when he was like 8....LOL We laugh about it now, more amusement of things in life? But of course it is! If we couldn't laugh about things we've seen or done, then I'm not sure sanity would mean the same to any of us. There's a complexity to all of us. I'm sure that's where the saying stemmed, I'm sure. "It takes all kinds to make up this old world!" There are those of us that Believe in God, and those that don't. I can't feel sorry for those that don't have Him to lean on. Just as I don't want them to feel sorry for me as I pray and wait for the answers to come. Brings to mind the Garth Brooks song, "Unanswered Prayers." And then back to the granting of Serenity. Not a vicious circle, as you can tell. But, a circle of life so-to-speak. I'm not going to preach. I Know we all have our own Beliefs. And I do believe in, "To Each His Own!" I Wish you all a Good week. May God Bless you, if that's okay? And to those that are around, I'll talk to you later. Tina

Sometimes a Good Night stays for the Day!

Hello World!!

You know that feeling you have when it feels like the weight of the world has just been lifted?? Or when if feels as if Everything in the world is right again?? I've had that feeling before. It's like sitting on the highest mountain, waiting for the fall.. Wondering what or who will take it all away again. No I'm not a pesimist.. a mixture of realist and idealist. An Optomist on a good day... A Dreamer always. I know that I will have the things I need in life. I am able to stand still.. It's the simple things in life that are just that... SIMPLE!! The laughter of others, the smiles of babies, the surprised looks from those that are innocent, they all bring a smile to your heart. Lighten a heavy Soul... I love to help bring a smile to the face of others... Sometimes I see it as a personal goal.. Weird huh? Wanting to feel good by making others feel good?? I recently told someone that I Happiness is in the heart. Or at least that's what I believe!! I know that no one can make another happy, just help bring it out. Like, creativity, others can inspire that.. Even without knowing it. I had someone tell me they admire my "Sincerity".... I'm not sure I quite understand that. I'll have to ask for clarification... yes I am full of questions, and I have answers on occassion... Not always the wisest. But Always from my heart. From a Heart that feels as though it could explode being so full of Love, Joy, and Happiness.... Of course I have my days of the feeling of absolute dispair... When the Loneliness gets to me... The need to be touched by another... I miss hugs from others... I hug my children often... As a child there were hugs for certain family members that seemed to take away all the worries in life... They've long past. Well, Daddy is still pretty good at that... But I don't get to see him much anymore.. He's been in poor health for over a year now... I guess I have the fear of losing him.. Losing those you love, still breaks your heart, no matter how many years have past... Memories can creep up on you, when you think of happy things... I was up late, til after 6 am this morning have a very nice time with someone that means more to me than he realizes... Or maybe not, after all I do tend to ramble and tell my feelings freely... Can't tell that though.... I'm sure I'm subtle about it all..LOL Me subtle.. like saying I'm Shy!!! Not!!! I think I'll close on that note... I'll get back to this later... I already had to restart it once.. I don't want to take that chance again. Love to you All.... Thank you Andy for inspiring me, I Love you! And Thank you to those that encouraged me to start this. It feels good to be able to share with others my feelings and fears......

Tina