I'm Still here just Barely!

Well, after so much going on, I'm officially braindead!! Okay bad choice of words. But still, I can't think straight, I have no idea who all I asked to be a pallbearer!! I don't know who all has been called or who all has called. So much has been going on lately that it's literally dumbfounding. People have been trying to break into the house. WE'VE found more evidence of blood throughout the house that can't be my Daddy's. Tell me that doesn't sound as if someone else was involved?? And our beloved Collin County Sheriff's Dept still says it's suicide! I Say, BULLSHIT!! My Family says, BULLSHIT!! Anyone that knew my Daddy says, THAT'S BULLSHIT!! Yet here I sit fighting what seems to be a losing battle. The "Investigating" officer, doesn't seem to be listening to anything I say. He told me to leave the investigating to them and for me to grieve. How can I when they aren't doing anything about what's happened?? I wouldn't call myself hysterical, but something has to give here. And it's not going to be me. He did come back and take more pictures and samples. But for them to have to be called back a second time to see the puddles of blood in the kitchen. He did admit that the blood in the kitchen couldn't possibly be Daddy's. And yet, actually got pissed at me for going back in the house! I told him what I was going to do, he said that would be fine. But, that no one was to sleep in the house again. Tell me why? If he deems it suicide, Why NOT?? Because I think he really knows there's more to this story. And why is it that only my Daddy's fingerprints are the only ones on the gun?? I handled that gun just recently, therefore, mine should have been on it. Sounds a bit like tuna to me. Yes I'm venting. I have too. I'm dying here and no one will listen. No matter how much I Love My Daddy, if that's what happened I could accept it. But there is too many oddities here to do that. I had a cousin murdered 23 years ago. Only one of his killers are going on trial. Could this have something to do with it? Because it was Daddy's first cousin and he knew the crowd that Gary hang out with. Probably could have name names. Someone must be afraid their name was going to be mentioned. Now that my life seems so calm, cool, and collected, tell me about your Drama??

Take Care, Be Safe, May Happiness Find you with a Smile, Talk to you soon!

Tina (Love)

I Don't Want to CRY Anymore!!

I want all the pain to go away. All I want to remember is how he was there for me all of my life, until now. It's not his fault. I have to push all the "if's" away every minute of every day now. I miss him so much already. I cry and pray a lot. My mind keeps wondering if it ever will be okay again????? NO, it won't!! But I know he knew what he meant to me. I wasn't ready to kiss him good bye, not forever. Kisses are only to hold you over until the next one. As I sit here surrounded by family, I feel so ALONE! I feel as if someone just Stole my Life! Just as Daddy and I had gotten close again, it's gone forever. Never to Return, like a ship lost at sea, so helpless. Yes, my brother and I are getting along in this, we're the only ones. Long story attached to that, I'll save it for later. The investigator came back early this morning, took more samples and pictures. They are investigating it as a homicide now. We found blood on the front door that makes it look nothing like an accident. The feeling of relief I feel that they can't call it a suicide or an accident, is tremendous. But the hurt is deeper to think someone did this, Took My Babies Papa Tommy!! Took my Rock of Strength. My Daddy!! Everyone here offers to help in anyway they can. Yet the only thing I want is to have my Daddy back. That's something no one can give me.


Take Care, Be Safe, May Happiness Find you with a Smile, Talk to you soon!

Tina (Love)

For God's Sake Unload Your Guns!!!!

A Tragic accident struck my family today. My Daddy fell and the gun he was carrying went off shooting him in the side of his face. He bled to death before we found him. The day before we'd had a couple of heart to heart talks. I know that he was at peace with a lot of things after the things said. But in NO Way do I think he would ever have done it on purpose. My Daddy wasn't a quitter!! He'd made plans to go shopping for Christmas tomorrow. My Brother was coming with Thanksgiving Dinner. He cleaned his house and was so excited about having it there. Yes, he had been suffering from depression for not being able to work for over 2 years. But with his disability coming he was looking forward to Christmas this year. He was looking forward to a lot of things. Things that now, we'll face without him. The "If's" flowed freely! My two oldest children had just left his house. So they feel guilt and wonder if it would have been different if they'd stayed. If I'd been there, maybe I could have gotten help in time. If they'd left earlier, none of this would have happened. So many things run through your mind in a Tragedy such as this. But none of it will bring him back. My Daddy wasn't perfect to anyone but me!! Not because he could walk on water...LOL But because no matter what He LOVED us kids. He was there for me to cry on his shoulder, bend his ear when things weren't perfect, or just Hug me til the tears went away. I'll miss my Daddy. I'll miss his Hugs more. I believe in Heaven, and that's where my Daddy is tonight. He joined God sometime between noon and 2:pm today. So now I have one more Angel on my side. But to be by his side just one more time and tell him how much I love him and how much he means to me still, that's one thing I won't have until it comes my time.

Take Care, Be Safe, May Happiness Find you with a Smile, Talk to you soon!

Tina (Love)

I Learn of New Things to be Thankful for EVERYDAY!!

Have you ever seen your Daddy Cry? Not at a funeral, but, in a time of relief? My Daddy hasn't been able to work in over 2 years, and filed for disability. We heard last week they approved it. He finally received his first check. Not bad, I could live on it. Today he needed to talk. I go over, he meets me at the door with one of those "Daddy" Hugs. I noticed something was bothering him, so I asked about it. He said he couldn't shake the damn depression he's had. He didn't feel the relief he should. I explained to him that sometimes with the over-whelming things he's been through it just takes time. One-day-at-a-time! Then I saw the tears, it broke my heart. For the words following ripped my heart out. He said he'd laid in bed all night, all he could think of was how he had failed me when I needed him most. When my children were taken and then I lost my home along with 90% of my belongings. I told him that he didn't fail me! He was there every time I needed to talk, cry on his shoulder, or needed a "Everything's gonna be Okay" Hug, the kind that only Daddies can give. Monetary values can't be put on that. And I'll remember this day the rest of my life. For this is the Very First time I ever saw my Daddy cry. He didn't even cry when his Dad passed on, and they were very close. I'm sure he cried, just not in front of anyone. It's hard to know how to comfort him. He's a Manly Man, always has been. I believe the word is "Macho"!! Today I saw him in a new light. The man with feelings of failure. He cried so much over failing me, nothing I said could take his self driven guilt away. Until, I told him, no matter what has happened in my life, I've survived it. Survived it because he was always there to support me morally and emotionally. Here I am, with my children. Yes, I live with family, but, I'm not doing anything to make him ashamed of me. My children and I don't live in the streets, a car, or an abandoned house. If we all take one day at a time, one thing at a time, things will get better. Then to close the conversation, I told him to forget the past things that can't be changed. I went back later this evening, and relief is starting to set in. He'd cleaned his house, getting ready for Thanksgiving tomorrow. He's actually excited about having people around. He's been a hermit for so long. He has Parkinson's Disease, and he isn't comfortable around others. Finally, something good comes from all the wait. So if you have a Healthy Daddy, Give him a hug and let him know how much they mean to you. You never know when the last one will be. Or if he wonders if he's failed you, not been there enough!! God Bless you and Have a Happy Thanksgiving. I'll be surrounded by family (some I don't even like) LOL And don't forget (I won't) to thank God for your friends!!

Take Care, Be Safe, May Happiness Find you with a Smile, Talk to you soon!

Tina (Love)

(turn page) November 25, 2004 I found my Daddy dead at his house. Happy Thanksgiving?

As some know, I'm living with my Granny. Well she left Friday to go to a cousin's wedding. No, I didn't go! After the first 3, it's kind of boring. LOL And since I am the oldest Grandchild of this side of the family, he's younger than me, and is working on his 6th child. Plus I couldn't tell you if he was married to all of his children's Moms. Anyways...... She's back now. And I'm so glad I didn't think that getting married was just something to do! Funny thought just crossed my mind, just trying to calculate the marriages I know of, I became confused. (Laughing manically) My Brother, still married to his second wife, is living with his gf. His ex-gf that recently had a baby, in which, he claims, just moved out of the house with them. Of course, I can't talk too loud. I lived with my ex and his wife in the same house for a while. I don't even remember how long. LOL On top of that she was pregnant with "their" daughter. The one she confided to my mom and myself that she was pregnant when she moved back in with him. But, he claims her, not my concern. And I've been accused of being a "Drama Queen" by these very same people that have told too much. *rolls eyes and blows my bangs* Okay, I'll admit I've seen some Drama, doesn't mean I was in the middle of it. Some have put me there. But, Hey, To Each His Own HELL!! I just hope when Judgement day comes, they are ready to face their own "Drama." Can drama follow a person? Now, don't get me wrong, I've been in the middle of my share of Drama. But I'm not to blame every time it happens around me. I've learned over the years, to stay out of other's business. I don't go tell who's sleeping with who anymore. Hell, if that's who they want to be with, it doesn't matter what anyone has to say, that's who they'll be with. I've been accused of acting like I was better than others. All I have to say to that is... Well..... I don't condone what other's do, but in the same right I don't judge them either. We Each have a right to our own likes and dislikes. I'm not the one they have to worry about. A lot of them come to me to talk things over, because I'm not judgmental. I listen, answer questions I can, and listen some more. We've all known others that have done some really crazy reckless things. Did you sit in judgement of them? Or, did you realize there was something missing in their lives and was in search of a quick fix? Our reputations are something that band-aids can't heal. Once you're known as a womanizer or a whore, not much can erase that. And worse is when it's your family that says that about you. Even when they know nothing of your private life! Yes, I've been a part in a "hen party." (for men, that's when we gather somewhere and talk about the best and worst sex we've had) LMAO Oh and the disgusting behaviors we put up with to have that said sex. The one thing I've always had trouble doing is comparing men sexually. Now, behaviors are fair game! Well as usual my fingers have typed whatever I thought. I have no idea what my point was tonight, nor do I remember if I had one.... LOL So I'll close for now. Please know this, NOT every Woman is a Man Basher/Hater. And not everyone judges every move you make. One thing, the preacher said that really sticks in my mind is, that Baptists are the most judgmental of all religions. If that's true, I'm not sure I'm a "real" Baptist!!

Take Care, Be Safe, May Happiness Find you with a Smile, Talk to you soon!

Tina (Love)

Sometimes Running is for the Best!

Okay, maybe it wasn't running, ut close enough! I was in a chatroom tonight, when someone ask me something that to me is so unthinkable. My only thought was to get away. I did stick around long enough to ignore him and say good bye to my friends. I'm beginning to think that isn't the place for me to be for a while. That's okay, I still have my friends to chat with. just not in a room! Of all things, I'm still speechless from it. This really is the best I can do tonight.

Take Care, Be Safe, and We'll talk Soon!

Tina (Love)

Expectations in Life....

I know, I'll write about anything! LOL But, I was thinking yet again. A question to self: Do you really Expect too much in Life? From Others? My Answers: I don't think so. Since I live in the real world, I don't believe that Life owes me anything. I also know without effort, you can't accomplish anything either. I can't expect too much from others, when I expect so little. My faith in people, in general, has diminished over the years. There are those I believe in, trust and Love Dearly. The world we live in isn't perfect, by any means, it's the one we live in. That is, if we choose to really live, and not just exist. I've noticed the similarities in Surviving and Existing as of late. And that frightens me. I've always wanted to live up to my own potential, which is hard for most, myself included. I once had someone say something to me, at the time I didn't get it. "Get out there and live life. DON'T just let life happen." With 1 divorce, 3 children, and quite a few jobs later, the light bulb goes off. Blinding as it may be, I can see a bit clearer, now. We all sit and think about the things we've seen and done, even questioning ourselves of the things we would do differently or change. The fact is we wouldn't be the person we are now without everything that has been done or happened. Do I have regrets? Honestly, yes, but with each passing experience, I LEARN. I have learned to Love myself more. But I haven't learned to love others less. I don't Hate, there are so many other emotions attached to this one feeling. It's so much wiser to let any feelings of this nature go, giving you a feeling of peace. Why Hate someone, when they don't deserve the Love that goes with it? Do I expect you to understand this? No! Not unless you've lived it. When you are young you are taught that you Love your family. Well, Guess what?? Love isn't something taught or even something that has to be done. We make others Earn Trust, Why is it so infeasible to make them Earn Love? My Answer: It's not!! It all goes back to, Are you STRONG enough to hold to your own Values and Standards? I'll close for now, I feel a headache coming on. And the need to "get off" feels at Hand. Yes! I had to say it. *Those of you that have read Clover's Blog will understand this much much better. (Signing out Laughing my Ass off)


Take Care, Be Safe, God Bless, and We'll talk Soon!

Tina (Love)

Is this a Shock?

Green You are a very calm and contemplative person. Others are drawn to your peaceful, nurturing nature. Find out your color at Quiz Me!

Hmmm, I was just thinking!

Since I started my blog, I've added a few things on it. The one I want to talk about right now is the site meter. This is a totally cool way to see how many people read the blog and where they are from. The wildest thing is, I have quite a few from China reading my blog, Wild huh? Someone from Russia, the Netherlands, a lot from the EST zone, a few others here and there. I thought about setting up a map. But in all honesty, I didn't think I'd be doing this as long as I have. I tend to lose interest, get bored with things, if you will. But this was the may way to keep my friends informed of how I was when I was in Oklahoma. And it's fun! A Great way to vent!! I guess what surprises me the most is that so many read it and actually come back! (I suppose some might be wanting to be bored to sleep.) But, if that's the case. There are better ways..LOL And I do Appreciate all the Comments my friends have made. The one Glorious thing in my life I'm proud of, is that even if it's not what you want to hear, I want to hear the TRUTH!!!!!
I Do Thank God for my Friends on here. They are as much a part of my family (if not more) than the ones kin by blood! Have A Great Weekend and God Bless!!

Take Care, Be Safe, and We'll talk Soon!

Tina (Love)

Things today were okay. I have been thinking a lot lately. (Yes, I know it should be against the law for me to do this.) Bite me!! The fact remains that someontimes it's hard to shut the brain off. For instance, have you ever wondered why you do certain things? Is it out of habit? Do you find yourself doing things you don't like simply because that's what you've done all your life? Why is change so hard for some and easy for others? Believe me when I say change isn't easy, but not impossible. Oh, and why is it so nerve racking to wait for someone? I mean you're waiting for them, you must want to see or talk to them, right? Then why does it bother us to wait? No, I'm actually not talking about me(this time)! Granny fusses at the boys constantly for keeping her waiting. And yet, tonight she kept them waiting for 30 minutes. But they weren't supposed to be upset with her?? Double standards suck ass!! And that brings another question to mind. If things are done that we don't like, why can't we change it? Is the fear of the unknown so Gret? Or are we afraid of what others will say or do? When you are young, you find yourself in between a rock and a hard place. Does anyone ever really get out of that place? If so, how? Enlighten me!!!!! Well, I've used up all my brain power for the day.

Take Care, Be Safe, and We'll talk Soon!

Tina (Love)

You are 73% Aquarius

How much do you match your zodiac sign?

Now, Who Could Have Guessed This??

You Are From Venus

You love all forms of beauty. You love dressing up and anything luxurious. A social butterfly, you're incredibly popular and a great host. You're known for your fairness and affection. And as a friend to all. Careful though! You're desire to please may make you too willing to conform. Be yourself. Focus on what matters to you. You'll be all the more popular for it.

What Planet Are You From?

Not ALL of this is me..

Aquarius - Your Love Profile Your positive traits: You've got a ton of friends, so you have no problem meeting new people. You're great at thinking up new things and actitives to do with your sweetie. You tend to let the little things slide in relationships... and focus on the bigger picture. Your negative traits: In relationships, it tends to be your way or the highway. You can never open up completely to someone - you have to keep parts of yourself secret. You're cold and reserved, which leaves your partner feeling unloved. Your ideal partner: Flexible, because you're not going to be the one to compromise! Is smart and quirky with lots of weird interests... including you. A true indivdualist who doesn't care what anyone thinks Your dating style: Stimulating. You prefer dates that explore a shared interest - like a lecture, muesum tour, or concert. Your seduction style: Wacky. Your wild ideas have your lover wondering what's next. Insatiable - it takes a lot to satisfy your desires. Varied. You're eager to try things as soon as you learn about them. Tips for the future: Bring a little responsibility to your relationship - like showing up for dates! Compromise a little. It wouldn't kill you to do things your lover's way for once. Be aware of your parnter's jealousy. Even though you aren't jealous, realize your partner is sometimes. Best place to meet someone online: Match.com - there's enough singles to find offbeat dates and tons of romantic adventure Best color to attract mate: Sky blue Best day for a date: Wednesday Get your free love profile at Blogthings.

I just think these are Cool. I hope everyone tries a few.. :D

-

In 1965 (the year you were born)

Lyndon B. Johnson is president of the US Secretary of Defense Robert McNamara calls for a nationwide network of bomb shelters Former leader of the Black Muslims, Malcolm X, is shot and killed in New York City To protest voting rights discrimination, civil rights demonstrators begin a march for Selma to Montgomery with federal troop protection The first commercial satellite, Early Bird, is launched into space by Nasa to transmit telephone and television signals Voting Rights Act is signed into law Riots by young blacks in the Watts area of Los Angeles begin, causing $200 million in damage Hurricane Betsy claims 75 lives in southern Florida and Louisiana United States President Lyndon Johnson proclaims his "Great Society" during his State of the Union address Dr. Dre, Sarah Jessica Parker, Robert Downey Jr., Shania Twain, Moby, and Ben Stiller are born Los Angeles Dodgers win the World Series Green Bay Packers win the NFL championship Montreal Canadiens win the Stanley Cup The Sound of Music, starring Julie Andrews, is the top grossing film Dune by Frank Herbert is published The Beatles' Rubber Soul is released "Satisfaction" by Rolling Stones is a top hit The Beatles appear on The Ed Sullivan Show, performing songs from their new album Help! Sony introduces the Betamax, a home video tape recorder Nearly all of NBC's programs are now broadcast in color I Dream of Jeannie premieres

What Happened the Year You Were Born?

More cool things for your blog at
Blogthings

Oh Really??

What kind of God are you?
Name
DOB
Favourite Color
You earthly time was spent	Supplanting kingdoms, punishing tyrants and levelling the empires of the wicked with the breath of your nostrils
Your throne is	A towering onyx chair, reflecting perpetual moonlight, adorned with the skulls of the vanquished
You wear	Nothing, because you don't have a body, you insubstantial beast, you
Your Godly superpower is	Unresistable charm and sensuality, drawing lovers, friends and enemies into your orgasmic grasp
This QuickKwiz by pelagicboreas - Taken 31334 Times.

New! Get Free Horoscopes from Kwiz.Biz

I'm Speechless!!

What Is Your Best Sexual Skill?
Name:
Age:
Sex:	MaleFemale
Sexuality:	StraightGayBisexual
Flirting Skill Level - 84%
Kissing Skill Level - 8%
Cudding Skill Level - 80%
Sex Skill Level - 56%
Why They Love You	You are too good to be true.
Why They Hate You	You get tongue-tied when they ask you to talk dirty to them.
This QuickKwiz by lady_wintermoon - Taken 998484 Times.

New - How do you get a guy to like you?

A Day in the Life....

This weekend started off.... well, it wasn't all bad. LOL Andy and I were chatting when his computer died. Saturday, we had the "Fall Festival" and it was fun. Thanks to Andy's Dad having a computer, we were able to chat last night. I went to church yesterday, it was nice. We started a new class last night as well. The boys were able to go with the youth group to see a movie. Chance is still a little monster! He didn't get to go to the movies, he was allowed to nap. Yes there were other things that happened. But, I do try not to bore you too badly. LOL Oh, I also looked into getting into the church choir again. It was really funny to watch the new music director dance around what he really wanted to say. He wanted to say a few things, but was afraid of offending some. Like for instance, he doesn't want people who can't really sing...LOL He really doesn't want pre-teens on the choir either. Which didn't upset me, I was a bit disappointed. Alex sings in the choir at school, as he did last year. I even offered a audition. He wasn't really interested. I hope he's not too close-minded. As anyone can tell you I'm really not a close- minded type. And it saddens me to see it in church. It was hilarious to see the women's faces when he went to talking about drums and guitars playing there. Close-minded in some ways, too radical in others. I love music of all kinds, so this wasn't shocking to me. This little town isn't one to rock though. Although, it would be nice to see them put another step forward. We'll see how this goes. I'll be the one close to the front watching. LOL Granny is the back row sitter. So I'll hear about all of it. I did tell Bobby that he'd been signed up for choir. He just looked at me in that typical teenage, "No you didn't" look. I just laughed, it's hard to get him to sing aloud to his own music at home. I'll not hold my breath! He's more of the prop type. He'll move things into place for you, just don't ask him to act or sing. My Boys can really make me laugh sometimes. Fun takes on a whole new meaning with them involved, at times that is. Anyone with or around children know this. They can make you laugh, cry, hug them, your heart goes "Awwwww" at the sweet things they say and do. It's cool watching them grow and learn. They can always remind me of how many experiments went awry when I was younger. Learning from our mistakes comes with life. I think I'll watch and listen a bit Longer!! See ya!

Take Care, Be Safe, and We'll talk Soon!

Tina (Love)

"I Don't Want to Have FUN!"

Those are the words from my 12 yr old when we went to the Fall Festival at teh church today. Guess what?? He had fun, even helped out some. Funny how small things like that make you smile. I knew he'd have fun once everything was in full force. Both him and Chance won cakes in the Cake walk, loads of cookies too. He also had his face painted like Spiderman. It's good to see them smile and have fun. With all that has gone on in the past year, I know their adjustment skills have increased. The wild thing is, I didn't realize how much I missed being part of something. I have really missed going to church. One of my empty voids are filled. Wonder what will fill another?

Take Care, Be Safe, and We'll talk Soon!

Tina (Love)

Just a little Sharing

I've tried to post everyday, because I missed so many when I was in Oklahoma. Not that it could be helped, circumstances didn't allow most days. There's one thing I haven't really posted about and that is church. I know there are a lot of believers, and non-believers out there. No I don't think that salvation is given simply because you are in "a house of God"!! I just wanted to share with you the fact that it feels good to be going to church. I've finally come to enjoy Bible study. Our Preacher is a Very personable man, a true people person. He has both the Excitement and Passion that keeps your attention. The Youth Director is a very nice man, my boys really like attending his classes on Wednesdays as well. When we first started going, the boys took a pass. While they were in care, they were made to go to church. I ask them to go with me, just to see how they would like it. They've went almost every week since on Sunday, and have only missed one Wednesday. I can relate to the way they felt about being made to go. When I was Alex's age my situation was different. I escaped to church, my problem was I had to take someone's children with me. Seems they couldn't tend to their own children after a wild Saturday night out. So when the Sunday come that I wasn't feeling well, I was made to go because she didn't want to have to deal with her children. This made me resent everything about Church and what it actually stood for. At 12 or 13, things look so much different. It's taken me a long time to get back to church. I've made every excuse in the world why I didn't attend. In the long run I realize, I just wasn't ready. But I took my children or arranged rides for them. If they wanted to go I supported them 200%. God has always been in my home, never once has he left me. And never once have I forgotten about Him. I've talked to many people on-line that don't admit to attending church. Later, I find out they go every Sunday. It's not shame they don't talk about it, it's more on the lines of political correctness, or maybe easier for them to dodge certain subjects. And for those of you that Don't believe in God: Just because you don't believe in Him, doesn't mean he doesn't believe in you! I'm not a preacher, by any means. I don't try to push religion down anyone's throat. This is my blog, and I wanted to share this with my friends. There are certain things I don't agree with in my church. But, I'll not turn away, from what I want in my heart, over those. I could sit here and go into what in the Bible I don't believe. But it would only cause "much ado about nothing." So I'll close this, wish you a good Day, and go face Mine!!

Take Care, Be Safe, and We'll talk Soon!

Tina (Love)

What the Hell??

Okay, bare with me here.... Why is it when you think you might have a friend that understands they turn out, well, NOT!!! Is there something about me personally that offends others? So Sue me!! I don't run out to meet someone just because they say they want to meet! I'm more careful than that. But to basically attack me for Loving someone, I don't understand. Not everyone lies. I know a lot do. And the way I've been treated on here at times, makes me VERY LEARY of meeting others. Sure there are some I wouldn't hesitate to meet. I just don't get some people. It's like my Mother all over again. "You can't be Loved over the computer!" Hell, she doesn't love me, therefore, I'm not "Lovable" in her eyes. Oh well, I'm going to bed. Maybe I'll get back to this later. I doubt I'll put it in the blog. But those that know me, I'll explain it to better.. Wild how one person's reality isn't quite as real as another's!!

Take Care, Be Safe, and We'll talk Soon!

Tina (Love)

This is for the Veterans and Their Loved Ones!!

On a day that we remember those that served their country, I'd like to tell you of the men in my life that Did their part. Both of my Grandfathers, three Uncles, My Godfather, both brothers, a cousin, a Very Good Neighbor, and my ex-husband. My ex wasn't the only one I know that saw action. They wouldn't talk about the things he had seen. I know it changed my ex, and not all of it was good. He grew up hard and fast in Iraq, yes, he was a part of Operation Desert Storm/Desert Shield. I've learned his brother is going to Iraq soon, he might have already left, I'm not sure. If any of the others had seen action, I'll never know anything about it, for they have passed from this world. My Dad has told me of some things the cousin went through, he told him of things in Vietnam. That's where my neighbor did his time, and he didn't speak of it to me. They told me, I was too tender hearted to hear of such things. I think it was just too many bad memories. Things they had seen, heard, smelled, or felt. In a sense I can relate, the smell of burning wood brings back memories of when My Mom and Dad lost their homes, just one week apart. Or how memories of things, in detail, come back when you speak of them. Sadly, for some it's like a movie playing in the back of their eyes. We can't see it, but they can and hear everything to go with it. I sit here thinking of the Hell that all of our Men and Women are going through over-seas, as we sit here in the comfort of our homes. Not Agreeing with this war doesn't stop it. It doesn't stop our people from getting killed or maimed. It can't bring them home either! I remember how it felt to watch the news everyday, praying that they come home safely. The Soldiers are going through the worse Hell imaginable. But, the Families left home to worry and wonder have their own Hell to face each day. Never knowing if this will be the day they are visited by the chaplain and an officer. I was fortunate, my ex was wounded and come home a few weeks before his platoon. And, NO, it wasn't a war wound. He popped a primer in an empty shell, to keep it for a souvenir. (And it wasn't even for himself) He liked to have blown his hand off. But I remember the relief when he was home. So for those of you that sit at home praying and waiting, my prayers are with you, and your's always. May God Bless Each of them and keep them SAFE and close to His heart!!

Take Care, Be Safe, and We'll talk Soon!

Tina (Love)

Thinking or Feeling??

Sometimes, I sit here and wonder if I'm thinking with my senses. I know we've all done it. It's the times that your "someone special" makes you smile or laugh. Or, maybe the over-whelming urge to tear up from the sweet things they say. I've been having some really Great days lately. Between the e-mails and messenger conversations, a lot of "Quality" time has been spent. I'd like to think I am realistic, but then I have those "daydream" days. Yes, even at my age I daydream! It's like anyone with the lost in thought, fantasy. And trust me my creativity doesn't just lie in descriptive words. Now sharing those fantasies, can be erotic or very dangerous. Depends on who you share them with. It feels good when they say, Hey ever thought of doing this? And, well yes I have, it's been a long time fantasy of mine. Compatibility comes in different forms and levels. Whereas, my levels of sharing go further than some, there is a time when you finally get to the right page! (I'd tell you but you could probably guess the number we decided on!) He was so excited about going to see the Jazz play tonight, my mediocre disappointment for not being able to call him, diminished within seconds. I am very happy for him, really I am. It's not often you get to go see your favorite team play. I've tried to keep up with the score. But the final wasn't to his teams advantage. If he comes home in a bummed mood, I'll do my best to cheer him up. As we've both done for each other over the last year. (here and there, that is) As some know the story, some don't. Maybe one day, I'll share it!! The main thing I wanted to talk about isn't really thinking. But instead, feeling the things I think. I hope that makes sense. I don't expect a "Knight in Shining Armor," although it is a cool thought. *BigshiteatingGrin*

There are times that I'm not sure if I'm rambling on or actually making sense. Typing the words from your "Heart and Soul" doesn't always make good reading. Good thing I do have a sense of humor, even if it's demented at times. When I first started blogging, my thought was, okay I'll share with my friends so they can see just some day to day stuff. Then I went into past and present experiences. Okay the Venting thing is there, but not like I intended it to be. I've deleted a few posts. Simply because they were......Depressing?? Paint me slow, but, isn't there enough depressing things going on in the world? I don't have to add to it. No I'm not always happy. But you know what? That's okay too! I said something to someone just the other night I think I'll share with those of you that read this. "If we'd all realize the "real" things in our lives that inspire us. See all the love around us. We'd all be so much happier. That does include our friends on here too. I've never felt as Loved in my life, as I do from My Internet Friends." The Coolest part of that is, I Truly Feel this way!! I'll close with that for tonight.


Take Care, Be Safe, and We'll talk Soon!

Tina (Love)

Realizing a Few of Our Gifts!

There are many days I wake up in, what to call them.... Sentimental, okay Mushy moods. That's the day I don't talk to a lot of people. I think I bore them with my "spewing" of Love or just really deep feelings. Today I e-mailed a few people to let them know how much they mean to me. Some people think it's all talk when they first meet me. But it's true I think a lot with my heart. I feel as deep as I've described in my blog and to my friends when I want them to understand what I'm feeling, be it for them or about the situation. Recently, I realized I was feeling more cynical. One of my biggest fears is that I end up having a "dead" heart. I've seen what that does to others, I don't want to be one of them! I've been accused of Loving too hard too soon. But in reality, what is too soon? And How much is too much?? I was someone's wife once, I've decided that being someone's partner is better. Not that I won't ever get remarried. But, he's made me promise not to ask until we get face to face...LOL Plus, that's not a decision to be made lightly. Most people get married because they both feel the same towards each other. That wasn't the case with my marriage. But, I'm not here to rehash my past. That part of my life is over, that doesn't mean I didn't learn a few things from it. He will be in my life for years to come because we have 2 boys together. He remarried almost 10 years ago. He's happy and I'm happy for him. It took me many years to realize that I deserve to be happy too! The fact that he was Mormon never bothered me, still doesn't. He still calls me his first wife, as he was raised in the old ways. But he expressed that he wants me to find someone to be happy with. There's no reason for me to spend the rest of my time alone. Or in front of a computer fantasizing about what could be. Now don't get me wrong, I never needed his permission to find someone. My Someone I met just over a year ago. I've just decided that small obstacles aren't going to get me down. It's JUST 1405 miles from here to there....LOL What most don't know about me, is that I almost stopped living and caring after my divorce. Thanks to some very special friends I realize now the time I wasted. Time is a Gift. Life is a Gift. Love is a Gift. Friendships are Gifts too. None of them should be wasted! Waste not want not!! *Big Grin* May we all find our ways to not waste what we have.
Take Care, Be Safe, and We'll talk Soon!

Tina (Love)

Just a Thought or 3...

I was just sitting here wondering.... Why does there have to be bad, just because there's good? Not that things are bad here. I was just thinking.... I had a Great night last night/this morning! Andy and I talked for a few hours..LOL (Just from 9:40pm til 3:00am) Not long at all... LMAO The quality of the time we spent talking, laughing, and flirting was worth a month full. It was as if we were making up all the lost time. It never fails I get so mushy when I am talking to him. Almost like my heart filling up to the point of bursting. I tend to ooze out the tender mercies of my heart, in words. Sharing my dreams and fantasies with him is almost as satisfying as making love. I did say ALMOST!! Maybe I should talk to a few people about the first time they met their on-line Love? Did it feel as "Special" in real life as it was over the net? Was it more intense? Were they nervous? If so, Why? LOL Damn I'm full of questions, aren't I?

I truly enjoy the communication part of a relationship. Any relationship depends on it. How can you build it if you don't have that? The point is, yes we all have gaps of time that we can't be online and chat. And sometimes time doesn't allow many e-mails. I'm in 2 groups on yahoo, and some of my friends barely have time to send an e-mail there to stay in touch. Circumstances change on a daily basis for some. And I know some of you are thinking, she's justifying something here. But, I'm not! I can't sit here and Honestly say that what has happened is right. But in reality, we all deal with things differently. That doesn't make it right or wrong for that person, but for the person they are doing or have done it to, is a different story. I'm not bitching, defending, justifying, or trying to offend anyone. I've always tried to see things in the sense of "Reality." In an Ideal world, we'd all marry the first one we fall in love with and live happily ever after. I don't live in that world. Time changes alll of us. And distance is just a small obstacle! There are so many other obstacles in life that can be time and life consuming. I thank God I don't have that to deal with. I feel very Fortunate that I have Love in my life. Every Friend I have counts for a piece of my life.

This is one Prayer I will share openly with anyone that it applies too. May "We" have many good years, Happy times, Love like there's no Tomorrow, Live life to the fullest, and no matter how it ends up, Look back and see the good times!

As for Andy? Time has been kind to us. We met each other a year ago Yesterday. Happy Anniversary Honey!


May God Bless us All, Take Care, Be Safe, and We'll talk Soon!

Tina (Love)

Short But Sweet....

Things are going pretty well here. Somethings still need worked on. Andy and I have been trading e-mails for the last 3 weeks. Seems we just can't be online at the same time. My schedule goes around the boys, and my getting up and getting them off to school. His, well he recently started working, and his schedule is a bit on the messed up side. I've been given the ultimate advice on this subject to take it slow and easy. The last thing I could possibly do is rush it....LOL Too much distance for that to happen. And it's not like I'm being "available" for anyone. It's not my phone line so I have to limit how much I get on. There's been quite a few times I just get connected and She needs the phone. It's funny how she comes to ask how long I'm going to be. Or how long hace I been on. I just get off and then she comes to tell me she's finished. I check e-mail accounts and then I'm off again. I've been working on things on my blog. I'll be working on it more, when I can find the time. Maybe I'll change my background?? I did say Maybe..LOL

Take Care, God Bless and Talk to you All Soon!

Tina

Another Mushy Day About Things...

For those of you that don't know, I have some Awesome friends! The ones I've Called my "Internet Brothers and Sisters" are Just these friends. I've been trying to catch up on all their blogs recently. And, lately I've been finding the ones that make me cry. There are several that have made me laugh so hard my Granny thought there was something wrong. LOL But today I want to share the ones that touched my heart so much. Deli put one in that really melted my heart. It's so cute about Love and what children belief it is. If you read it you'll see just how well they captured Love in words. Sue has her's written as truly "a day and a life" of being a Lover of Children. We all know you don't have to be a parent to Love children. Aunt's and Uncles can love as deeply as a parent too. No matter if you are hard at heart the words these Ladies have shared with us, will affect you as well. So keep the kleenex handy, for most will be in need of it. With all of my friends, we laugh and cry together. Okay, some don't cry, I cry enough for them too. Being tender-hearted has it's advantages and disadvantages. Being able to feel for my friends isn't a disadvantage. Just as my helping bring a smile to their faces at the lowest moment is a Gift, I don't see this as a disadvantage either. Alright already, sue me I'm in a mushy mood. This isn't something I can help at times. Just like when the bitch in me takes over. I'll just remember to not blog on those days. Dammit, I won't be blogging much according to some of my friends..LOL Oh well, if you can't beat em, write about em!! I know I do. *Laughing histerically* Take care all, and know that I'm sending Love your way.

Tina

Not A Lot Going On....

Some weeks there's too much going on to put it in here. Not this week, although, I know it's not over yet! The main thing going on is getting the boys on track at school. That is, my youngest two sons. My Oldest, I'm very Proud to say is passing all his classes and doing well. Alex, my second, seems to be trying out procrastination! It's not working for him, he never gets it done. And I'm already tired of doing 7th grade work. LOL Chance, the baby, is in Pre-K and his 3 hour day seems to be too long. His teacher told me today, the first half of the day he was fine. But then, Chance informed her, he was at school too long for him to be good the whole time! Talk about "Out of the Mouths of Babes!!" She couldn't help but to laugh when she told me. I don't see how she kept a straight face when he said it. I wouldn't have been able too. Children now-a-days are just too smart for our own good. Yes, I said "Us" and meant it. Don't get me wrong, I'm proud of my children's ability to use their Brain! For when I was young the use of thought wasn't encouraged. Lines such as, If I wanted you to think, I'd tell you what to think! Stupidity? Absolutely!!!!!! I want my children to not have to "Depend" on others to make informed decisions. Emotional decisions can backfire more times than naught. So here I am, trying to think of things to use to "Redirect" his behavior. Our newest deal is, if he learns his letters well, he gets his own Bible. I know a form of bribery, but it's not something that will rot his teeth or give him bad ideas. Well, not right away anyhow..... LOL

Take Care, Be Safe, and Keep Reaching for the Stars!!

Tina

Sweet Things?

Not that there's a short of sweets in the house on a daily basis anyway. My Granny thinks you haven't had a meal without dessert. It's always been that way with her. And then she wonders why she's heavier than she was at a younger age. Now mind you, she's 78 and still kicking. Everything with her is something to debate or bitch over. Hmmm, Okay so she's not quite as bad as my mother..but close!! LOL Yes, it gets on my nerves sometimes, mostly it's funny at the things she finds to bitch about. The funniest thing is she gripes about the things that can't change more than others. And everything that my youngest does, gets on her nerves. So, I'm the one that is always getting bitched at over the kids. Whether it's something they did or didn't do, or get this, something she THOUGHT OR THINKS they were or are going to do!! Make sense?? Maybe to someone that thinks like her. *Wondering if anyone else knows of this behavior?* They say that God Blesses the old with many years of life. I'm not sure I want to be "Blessed" like that if I turn out to be one that bitches about everything (even if it didnt' happen) or am trying to lay claim on everything that is around me. The story on that is, my Mother brought Alex a plastic pumkin to go trick or treating with, and she tried to convince me that it was her's and she wanted it back. She'd been looking for it all evening. I reminded her that Mom brought that one for Alex and she was welcome to call and verify. She then remembered that, "Oh yeah I remember that now!" You know what I just realized, I use this to bitch about everything around me... OMG..... Help me not be a Bitch, for that is not my purpose in Life!!!!! May God Bless you with Happy, Healthy Years!!! Take Care and Be Safe!
Tina

Trick or Treat?

Okay I took the boys trick or treating, in the car so they would stay out of the mud. Plus, they don't know many here, even though most are kin to us. So, here I drive them around the little town we live in. It takes all of about 30 minutes. There is a bit more to the town, but the baby was getting tired. And this was his first official time to go Trick or Treating. He had a blast, in spite of jumping muddy ditches filled with water, and not once did he jump in Head first!! LOL They did get a good bit of candy, great thing for them to get all hyped up on! All in all it was a Grand experience. I enjoyed watching him have fun running from one house to the next. And the advantage I had, (hence the smiling Mom) they went to sleep so well, I was able to go to bed early too.